feel like a bad mate, making him sleep on the floor and eating bread.
But…I'm not ready to say all is forgiven yet. I'm not sure what I'm holding out for, but hopefully I'll know it when I see it.
Nassakth picks at his food as we eat in silence.
I glance over at him as I eat, and when I can't take it any longer, I put my bowl aside. "Have you thought about what you want to do?"
He grunts. "I have thought about it over and over, and still I cannot yet make a decision. Do I see my family again and potentially compromise our location? Will just letting them know that I am alive be a problem? If their motives are honorable, what could they possibly want?" He pokes at his food. "Is it another honor debt that needs to be paid? Or…do they wish to apologize?"
His gaze flicks down and his mouth flattens, and I ache for him. "What's the answer you want to hear?"
My big mate jumps to his feet and begins to pace, tail flicking, hands clasped behind his back. "I tell myself I should not care what happens to them. I tell myself they are part of my past. That this is accepted in our culture and they should feel no shame for what they did…" He looks over at me, and his eyes are sad. "But I want to know if they regretted it. If they missed me when I was gone. If they ever wondered how I was doing." He swallows hard, throat working. "If they were proud of me when I was at the height of my career."
"You need answers. I get it."
Nassakth pauses, his mouth twisting, and then he begins to pace again. "Answers are not worth more than our safety. They are not worth more than our lives here."
I push my bowl away, because I'm not hungry now, either. "Let's assume they're telling the truth. What happens?"
"I talk to them. Perhaps I fly out to visit them at a neutral site." He sighs. "And I get answers. I end the chatter in my head."
"And what happens if they are liars?"
"Our location could be compromised. They could be attempting to flush me out to receive a bounty upon my head."
That would indeed be bad. "Bethiah said this was the only bounty on your head, right?"
Nassakth nods.
"Then let's assume it's not that." I gesture at him. "What other nefarious things could they be up to?"
He paces a bit more in silence, and then tosses himself down in his chair and sighs heavily. "I do not know. My parents were always very honor-bound. My line is a long one with a glorious history even if we did not have much money. They would not risk that by dealing with bounty hunters and thieves. I suspect they would not approve of my life here, in hiding." He pauses. "Or perhaps they would, because my master did not uphold his side of the bargain, either. I do not know." He groans and buries his face in his hands. "I do not know, Kim. I do not have answers to this, and I fear if I do not at least attempt it, I will go mad."
It tears at me inside to see him so troubled. I get to my feet and move to him, brushing my fingers through his tangled mane. To my surprise, he immediately grabs ahold of me and buries his face against my chest, seeking comfort. His arms are tight around me and…it's nice. Real nice.
"If you need answers, then maybe we should get them," I say, voice soft. "If I was in your shoes, I'd want answers, too. If I knew of someone back on Earth that had sold me into slavery, I'd want to ask them why. I'd definitely want to know if they regretted it, or if karma came to bite their asses."
"Karma?" His voice is muffled against my clothing.
"You know, the whole, what goes around comes around? I would want to see if they were hit with misfortune for bringing misfortune on me, but maybe that makes me a bitch."
"It does not. A secret, dark part of me wonders the same with my family," Nassakth mutters. "I try to ignore it, but it is there."
"Then maybe we silence that little voice and get you the answers we seek."
His arms tighten around me. "I do not want to risk you, my mate. Not when you are just now safe and settled.