smiles at me over her shoulder. "I'll leave you alone with your thoughts."
Then she is gone, and I am alone in our cabin…and must make a decision.
70
KIM
This is a nightmare.
I keep expecting tears to come, but I'm too numb. I tell myself that I have to do this. That it's what's right for Nassakth. I can't hold him back from his destiny just because I'm a selfish dork that wants to grab his tunic and scream at him not to go. I know humans don't belong on this end of the universe—the universe sees fit to remind me of that everywhere I go—but after meeting and marrying Nassakth, I allowed myself to have hope again.
Hope that I could have a good life, with a good man. Have a family. Have a happy ever after.
Now I see that the universe doesn't have that in store for me, so I need to suck it up and get used to things. Before I met Nassakth, I was prepared to live a quiet life alone on my farm, expecting nothing from the world around me. I need to get back to that mindset. I take my datapad into the mess hall, intending to sit in a quiet corner, read messages from my friends back on Risda III, and sob into some sweet breakfast noodles topped with trentii crumbs.
Of course the mess hall isn't empty, though. Bethiah and Sophie are both there. It figures that even now, I can't get the privacy I want to just stew through my emotions. They both look up when I arrive, and Sophie flinches at the sight of my face.
"You're sending me back, aren't you?" she asks, tensing. Her gaze darts around the room and she looks ready to bolt.
"What? No. Don't be silly." I wave a hand. "Just relax. Go back to whatever it was you were doing."
"I know the look on her face," Bethiah says, stealing a bite of food from Sophie's bowl. "It's relationship crap. Don't ask her about it or she's going to vomit a whole mess of feelings at you."
"I am not," I protest, and ruin my declaration by getting weepy. "I'm fine," I sob. "I promise."
"Oh no." Sophie gets to her feet, picking up a plas-film napkin and offering it to me. "Is it…my fault? Is he mad at you?"
Bethiah just groans and heads to the food dispenser as Sophie steers me toward their table. "It's just this whole situation," I weep, swiping at my face with the napkin. "They want him to go back to Praxii Minor with them and be their heir. Which is great for him, but it means I don't have a spot in his life."
"You know what you need, then?" Bethiah asks brightly as she pushes buttons on the dispenser. "A new husband. This ship's got three mesakkah males that are some prime choices. Well…mostly prime. One's kind of dumb, and one's got a death wish…" She pauses, thinking. "And the other's kind of a stick in the mud. But they're all pretty to look at, and really, you can't ask for more than that."
I glare at her. "I don't need a new husband. I want the one I have."
The bounty hunter shrugs. "Then stay with him. Go to the praxii planet and be his lapdog."
Sophie swallows hard, giving me an uneasy look. "It's not a good place for humans."
"I know." Oh, I know this very well. The fact that his family wants to just cast me aside like I'm nothing so they can arrange Nassakth's marriage to a stranger tells me everything. If I go with him, I'll be nothing more than a speed bump in the way of his rise to glory. He'll have to take another wife, a praxiian one, and get her pregnant with praxiian babies. Cubs. Because if he takes this, he's going to show everyone that he's the perfect praxiian male. That he's everything they aspire to be.
How can I want anything less for him? I love him. I want him to be happy, even if I can't be with him. I look over at Sophie, at the burn marks on her throat from the shock collar and the wary expression on her face. I don't ever want to turn into that again.
Even for Nassakth, I won't. If he goes to Praxii Minor, I won't be following.
"Look, is it really such a bad thing if he heads home?" Bethiah asks. She sits back down at the table, her bowl overflowing with noodles