When Love's Gone Country - By Merri Hiatt Page 0,38

over baby clothes. Trying to keep it all low key, but I could see the pain in your eyes. What can I do, Meg?” Tears spilled down Purity’s cheeks.

Meg sniffed away her tears. “There’s nothing to be done.” She shrugged her shoulders. “It’s just the way it is. I hate it. Everything in me wants to have a baby. I love Jacob and Jeremy with all my heart, but I have room for so much more.

A woman at church told me that God doesn’t give babies to selfish women. Do you think I’m selfish?”

“Who in the hell said that? Sometimes I could just strangle so-called Christians. Meg, you are the least selfish person I know.”

“Then why? Why would God punish me like this?”

“It’s not a punishment. I hear you when you say it feels like it is, but I think there’s a bigger plan here, one that neither one of us can see. It was no mistake that Jeremy and Jacob ended up in your lives. I wonder how things would have been different if you were pregnant.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, would you and Bobby have wanted to adopt the boys if you’d already started a family together? Their past is hard enough to handle without adding a baby to the mix.

In the past few months, Jacob’s behavior has been unstable and he’s so quiet. That’s so unlike him. Having another kid in the house would have detracted from the time you and Bobby spent trying to understand both Jacob and Jeremy.

I’m not saying it’s right or wrong and I don’t have some crystal ball that can tell the future, but I believe God’s hand is in all of this, in all of us. There are too many coincidences and close calls to make me believe anything else.”

“I keep thinking that God might wait until things are settled and then allow me to get pregnant. Do you think that’s wrong?”

“Meg, you know I don’t do the whole right and wrong thing very well. There’s so much gray area. I think what you feel is what you feel. No right or wrong. Your actions, on the other hand, swing on the pendulum. Some days are better than others.

We all screw up, make poor choices, take paths we never intended to go down. We learn and grow and, hopefully, become stronger, in both our faith and our understanding of ourselves.”

“You have this way of never answering my questions, yet sounding so wise.”

Purity laughed. “I’m not sure how that happens.”

“I don’t begrudge you any happiness and I’ll be the first one to fawn all over that baby of yours, you know that.”

“I do.”

“But there will be times, like now, when it’s just too much for my heart to take without breaking.”

Purity nodded, wishing she could take Meg’s pain away. “One of the hardest things is seeing someone you love hurting and not being able to do anything to help. I love you so much, Meg. Please promise me that during those times when you’re feeling so low, you’ll talk with someone. It doesn’t have to be me. It probably can’t even be me because that would be insanely difficult. But, call Court or Sheila or someone. Even one of the guys, who we all know would just look at you, wanting to fix everything.

You don’t have to simply endure this alone. It’s just like we told Jacob. We’re in this together and we’re stronger together. It’s true for all of us.”

“I promise. You have to make a promise, too.”

“What?”

“That you won’t diminish your pregnancy joy. That you’ll laugh and press you hand to your belly when the baby kicks. Even that you’ll call me immediately and tell me. You’ll want to stop yourself, but don’t. Don’t treat me like I’m some fragile egg that will shatter into a million pieces at any moment. I won’t. And I want to celebrate with you.” She put her hands on Pure’s belly. “That’s my little niece or nephew in there being built.”

Tears pricked Purity’s eyes anew as the two women hugged.

“You’re my best friend,” Meg said.

“And you’re mine.”

“Well, that was a real touchin’ moment there,” a tall man said as he stepped from behind an apple tree. “Almost makes me wish I didn’t have to ask you ladies to come with me.”

“We’re not going anywhere,” Meg said, standing up.

Purity stood by Meg. “You might as well turn around and go back to where you came from, mister.”

“Why, that don’t sound very neighborly. Don’t you city folk