What They Do in the Dark - By Amanda Coe Page 0,80

came close enough, she would be all judgement and wisdom, but for now, it was enough just to stand, hands on hips. She watched Tony, the dip of his head, the command of his fingers. Maybe that was why she was alone in her old age: all the men she had felt closest to loving were the ones who were absorbed by something else. She doubted that the men themselves knew this – either that she’d loved them, or the lack of threat her love posed to their greater concerns. Not that it mattered, in the end. Even if you did wear your heart on your sleeve, more often than not it all went to the bad. Like Quentin and Hugh, if she wasn’t mistaken. And look at the girl’s parents. Vera was sure the poor child would work out the lie of the land fairly soon, even if Katrina wasn’t telling her. That was, if she didn’t come across it in the papers first.

IT HADN’T BEEN Pauline’s idea to go and see the stupid fucking filming. She had been stood there, outside Gemma’s house, like so many days since she had found out about her mam, waiting to see her. She had worked out they must be away, which was why she had only been going off and on. But that morning, the curtains were open, and Gemma’s bike was out propped by the garage, so she knew they must be back. There was a sign, as well, on a post hammered into the lawn: ‘For Sale’. Pauline, excited by Gemma’s reappearance, didn’t consider the implications of this. There was no point ringing the doorbell, so she settled herself on the kerb a few houses off and waited. Sure enough, Gemma got sent out to the shop – the milkman must have forgotten to start delivering again. Pauline hid at the mouth of the alley and jumped out at her. Gemma screamed. Good job she wasn’t on the way back from getting the milk or she’d have smashed it. She tried to run off, but Pauline grabbed her arm.

‘Let go of me, you gyppo!’

Pauline knew she was much stronger than Gemma. She hung on till Gemma realized she was getting a Chinese burn from twisting so much.

‘I just want to talk to yer!’

‘What about?’

Gemma had stopped thrashing, but Pauline was now unsure what she wanted. ‘Just talking.’

Of course she wanted to tell her about her mam, of course she did, but if she told her, it would happen again.

‘Just wanted to, thought we could walk around or summat.’

Gemma told her that she had to go to the shop, but allowed Pauline to come, on the understanding that she’d wait outside, like a dog. But when she came out with two bottles of milk, she’d bought them both a chew with the change. She’d got brown from her holiday. As Gemma was unwrapping her chew, Pauline smeared her finger along the top of her bare arm, half wondering if the new colour would come off, like paint. Gemma flinched away theatrically, as though Pauline had hurt her.

‘What you doing?’

Heading back, Gemma warned her that she wasn’t allowed to come near the house or she’d get done, but she said she’d come back after she’d dropped off the milk, so Pauline hovered by the alley, watching her go in. The chew shocked a bad bit on one of Pauline’s teeth, and she switched it to the other side of her mouth. She was hungry, she realized. Being back at school would be worth it for the dinners.

The chew was just a splinter of sweetness by the time Gemma came out again. Pauline had started to wonder if Gemma had been stringing her along by saying she was coming back out, but finally there she was, carrying a cardigan her mum had made her bring out, she explained, and her library ticket so that she could go to the library and come straight back.

‘What’s that doing there?’

Waiting, Pauline had considered the ‘For Sale’ sign. Gemma stalked away, convulsed in exasperation. ‘Some sort of mistake or something, I don’t know. They came yesterday and put it up.’

‘Are you moving away then?’

‘I don’t know, do I? We don’t even live there, not really.’

‘Where do you live then?’

‘Shut up!’

They really did go to the library, to begin with, because Gemma said otherwise her mum would know, and she’d get done. Pauline had never been inside it before. She’d always assumed the red-brick Edwardian building was