so I know what you mean. And it was nothing like that. Albie wasn’t waiting until I turned legal, and he damn sure knew I was no virgin. And I didn’t walk around shaking it, either.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? You’ve got no idea—”
“I’m sorry for saying something that hurt your feelings, Rena.”
“Rena’s gone.”
“Lynda, right?”
“Yeah. Albie always told me this day would come. That’s why he replaced the implants.”
“I don’t under—”
“After Albie … went, I was supposed to go, too. I always had Albie’s little book. I was supposed to take that with me, and hide it where I could always find it. A life-assurance policy, Albie called it.”
“Life insurance?”
“Assurance. Something I could trade for my life if any of … those men found me. And that isn’t all. Anyone can get paper ID. Only the implants, they were like this secret weapon. Plenty of women change their hair, but how many have implants taken out?”
“I know a girl who did.”
“A stripper, right? And she went jumbo on them?”
“That’s right.”
“The size I got, it makes me … stand out, I guess. But they’re not the kind that would herniate my spine.”
“They don’t … pull on you?”
“Not a bit. I wasn’t lying about the working out every day.”
“So, if you got … smaller, you wouldn’t look like yourself?”
“Depends on where you’re looking.”
“I get it.”
“Good,” she said, like she was a little annoyed. “You have any more questions, Sugar?”
“Yeah, I do.”
She turned a little straighter, facing me like she was making sure I still had the different-colored eyes.
“So?” is all she said.
“You said you could find this Jessop. That can’t be just because he was on some paper as your husband a long time ago.”
“What’s your question?” She sounded a lot colder than before, but I didn’t have any choice. So I asked her: “Have you … seen him since you—?”
“Your whole mind is dirt, huh? No, Sugar, I haven’t ‘seen’ him since he brought me to that meeting. He brought in a piece of poor white trash, a … thing he could do whatever he wanted to with. If I’d just been dumped by the side of a road, I’d have been happy, just knowing I’d never have to see that … filth again. That answer your question?”
AJ/WT/X, I thought. Abner Jessop, White Trash, maybe? But what was that “X” for? I knew I couldn’t ask her about that; I had work to do. So I only said, “Then how could you know where he is?”
“Albie’s ledgers. It’s all in there.”
“You can read them?”
“Every word.”
“I didn’t see any addresses. Some phone numbers, maybe, but …”
“We have to unpack anyway,” she said. Not icy anymore. More like bored. “When we find the ledgers, I’ll show you.”
By the time we dug out the ledgers, it was late. “It’s not like you need this stuff tonight,” she said. “I’m tired and I’m hungry. I know every take-out spot around here—there’s a lot of them. You probably don’t know how to … ah, never mind, what do I know? Just tell me what you want. Asian, Indian, Mexican? Hamburgers? What?”
“I’ll eat whatever you bring back.”
“Thai, then?”
“Sure.”
“Wake up.” Rena, kneeling on the carpet so she could whisper in my ear.
Damn! is all I remember thinking. Nobody should be able to sneak up on me, specially if they had to open a door to do it.
The food was good. Crisp and clean. She brought so much that there were leftovers, even though we both ate like pigs.
“We have to let the food settle first,” Rena said. Sitting back in the living room, lighting a cigarette.
“Sure,” I said, although I didn’t know what she was talking about.
A few minutes later, she said, “Go take a shower, Sugar.”
I was standing under the steam when the idea that she might be calling Jessop right that minute hit me.
I was still thinking about that when she got into the shower with me.
“Don’t be rough with me,” she said in the bedroom. “It’s been a long, long time.”
That made me mad, like she had to warn me. “Can’t you do any damn thing without making it some kind of deal?” I said.
She raised her hand to slap me. I didn’t move.
Then she was crying and kissing me at the same time. I don’t even know how I ended up inside her.
“I said don’t be rough, not play dead!” she hissed in my ear. But I could tell she wasn’t mad at all.
The first time she woke me up that night, she was a little