The Wedding Pact Box Set - Denise Grover Swank Page 0,299

Okay?”

She knew he was referring to something other than his childhood now, but damned if she knew what. But he was obviously trying to build a deeper level to their friendship and she wanted that too.

“Yeah.” She gave him a warm smile. “Okay.”

He sighed and sank back into the seat, his left arm gripping the steering wheel. “I was a pretty wild kid. My mom has videos of me literally bouncing on the furniture.”

She laughed. “I believe that.”

“When I was older, I was diagnosed with ADD, but not until grade school. So I went through the first ten years of my life trying so hard to be good, and never succeeding. I just couldn’t pay attention or even remember to behave. Schoolwork was a nightmare. Night after night of me trying to finish my spelling and math homework. My mother was more understanding, but my father . . .” His voice trailed off.

His right hand lay on the seat next to him and Libby covered it with her own.

He took in a deep breath and let it out, keeping his eyes on the road. “My father was a good man. He just didn’t understand me, but Josh . . . Josh, he understood. Josh was like a clone of my father. So when Josh started school—and of course excelled at everything—I think my father slowly disengaged from me.”

“Oh, Noah.”

“But my mother . . .” The affection in his voice warmed her heart. “My mother stood by me, no matter what. Even as I single-handedly fucked up my life in middle school.”

“How could you fuck up your life in middle school?”

He tilted his head and gave her a wry grin. “You didn’t see my grades.”

“You’re obviously intelligent—you graduated from high school early and started college when you were sixteen—so it couldn’t have been that bad. Weren’t you on medication?”

“Oh, yeah. Two daily doses of Adderall, but what most people don’t realize, especially my father, is that medication isn’t some magic spell that kills ADD. It only temporarily tames it. So while I could focus, I was still unorganized and late and left my homework at school almost daily. My mother tried to help me create systems to remember things, but my father wasn’t as understanding.”

“Noah. How could he have been so blind and short-sighted?”

He turned his hand over beneath hers and curled his fingers around her hand. “Libby, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. My father was a good man. He just didn’t understand me. And Josh was so much easier for him to relate to than I was . . . I think he finally decided to leave me to my mother’s devices and focus on Josh.”

“But you were his son, Noah. He just gave up on you?” she asked in dismay.

He shook his head. “It’s not as harsh as it seems, Lib. He stopped trying to discipline me for my grades and behavior in school. He still loved me; he just gave more attention to Josh. And really, it ended up being a good thing. My mother was much less heavy-handed and it made all of us closer in a way.”

“It’s just not right, Noah.”

He squeezed her hand. “Maybe you’re right, because even though we got along better after he took a hands-off approach, I was still jealous of what he and Josh had. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother, but part of me still craved my dad’s attention and approval.”

“Of course you did.”

“When I was properly medicated—and trust me, it’s hard to properly medicate a teenage boy—I could finally focus on my work and I discovered I was really good at math . . . at a near-genius level. It helped that all my math classes in high school were in the beginning of the day, when I was good and dosed. By the time we figured out I would graduate early, my father took notice. Craving his attention, I told him I had decided to major in engineering. Just like him.”

“Did that make him happy?”

“Ecstatic. I was finally becoming the son he wanted, not the screw-up he tolerated.”

“Noah.”

“No, it’s okay. It wasn’t his fault. You know, I’m not sure I ever want kids. I don’t think parents realize the power they hold. I’ve screwed up everything else in my life. I sure don’t want to screw up my kid.” He frowned and his shoulders slumped.

He was so wrong. He’d be fantastic with kids, even if he didn’t realize it. And maybe the