We Have Till Dawn - Cara Dee Page 0,53

sat my ass down on the creaky sofa and twisted the cap off a beer. The terrace was small, just big enough for a cramped seating area, but it hadn’t stopped Anthony from buying potted trees that sat along the waist-high wall—along with pots of herbs on the edge. All dead. He sucked at keeping them alive, and the lemon tree was never gonna bear any fruit. But bless him for trying, I guess.

“No bullshit,” I told him. “I wanna know what you see in Shawn. Genuinely. He’s the opposite of your type. Lay it on me.”

“Seriously? This again?” He flicked on the heater once it was plugged in and sat down next to me.

Our feet landed on the low table in front of us, and I just waited for him to get to it.

Because yeah, seriously.

“I’m just sayin’,” I said. “You used to shop for men in the geriatric ward.”

He snorted. “Old isn’t actually my type, jackass. I just prefer maturity.”

“Oh! Oh, so that’s why you bagged and tagged Shawn, the diva of his kindergarten, because he’s mature.”

I rolled my eyes.

Anthony didn’t have the fight in him. He blew out a breath that misted in the air. “He’s safe, Nicky. That’s what it boils down to. You and Pop get on my ass about how he takes advantage, but that’s the thing. He’s not capable of taking anything of value from me. I don’t give him money anymore, for the record.”

I side-eyed him and took a swig of my beer.

“We are approaching our expiration date,” he added, “but I’mma let this run its course until he gets bored. He wants constant attention, and I’m tired of it. It isn’t worth the company.”

It was his choice, but it didn’t feel right. Anthony had so much to give. Being with someone just for the company and sticking to “safe…” Fuck, I hated it. Fuck safe.

“So, you don’t even love him,” I said.

He shrugged a little and leaned his head back against the wall. “Whatever it was is pretty much gone.” He lolled his head my way and said, “My turn. Why the fuck are you and Gideon still pretending to have some business arrangement? You’ve clearly lost your shit over the man, and he doesn’t seem to be any different. He’s come to see you here four times. Church rehearsal, choir rehearsal, student recital, and then tonight. I don’t think Shawn’s come to see me that many times in the entire time we’ve dated.”

“I—”

“And the donation? Come on.”

I huffed in frustration and ran a hand through my hair. “I don’t know what to say. You’re kinda preaching to the choir, ’cause I want more. He’s the one who’s engaged to a woman who can give him kids.”

“How is that a valid reason in today’s day and age?” he laughed, confused. “There’s adoption, there’s surrogacy. Most of my gay friends today have kids.”

I knew that. It was hard to explain. “I think it’s a bigger-picture thing. His way of clinging to structure is to go the traditional route.”

“Structure,” he repeated. “Hmm.”

Yeah. Structure.

I shivered as an icy wind blew past.

The heater could work better.

“What kind of structure do you have in your relationship?” he asked, patting his pockets. He retrieved his smokes and lighter. “And spare me the details.”

I chuckled.

I had to think back a little. Gideon and I had established a handful of routines during our short relationship, and they had evolved into something different over time. Usually when he grew bolder and opened up more.

“He’s been consistently dominant in the bedroom,” I answered. It was the easiest one to start with. “I kinda wanna believe that I’m more dominant the rest of the time, though. I love taking care of him and making sure he eats and sleeps properly. He’s my papito.”

Anthony hummed and lit up a smoke. “I’m not surprised. You’re a natural caregiver.”

“And he needs it, I think,” I said. “It isn’t a matter of what he’s capable of—the man has taken care of himself all this life. It’s just…with me, the leash isn’t as short.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like how he’s closed himself in,” I answered. “He created this box—to use his words—where everything was safe and running on a perfect schedule. He didn’t give himself any room to push boundaries and try new things.”

“Okay, I’m with you.” Anthony nodded. “You’re more like a doting mother, but you’re not afraid to shove the fears outta someone.”

“I’m not like a mother.” I slapped his arm.

He chuckled. “You fucking are, bambino.