We Have Till Dawn - Cara Dee Page 0,28

you more questions?”

“Of course.” I was bold enough to grab his hand and link our fingers together, but he didn’t seem to mind. “I’m an open book.”

He glanced down at our hands as we reached the corner of Park Avenue, and he twisted his mouth upward slightly.

I was hooked on watching him process things.

“I’m curious about your job,” he said. “You said you gave up being a sex worker two years ago?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you have different personas?”

I quirked a brow.

“I’m wondering if you were always yourself with customers,” he clarified. “Or if you pretended to be someone else.”

Hmm. I studied him from the corner of my eye and wondered if he was asking for a specific reason. Like, if I was myself with him. If he was getting the real deal.

“Sometimes I added a layer, I guess you can say,” I answered pensively. It felt important that I explained this properly to him, ’cause I didn’t want him to misunderstand. “I’ve had clients who prefer boyish twinks, for instance—and clients who want to engage in conversation about their passions in life. So yeah, there’s been some pretending involved. I mean, this one guy loved Russian literature, and I had to pretend to be interested in listenin’ to him talk about it.” I paused. “Then I quit. I walked away because it became lonely. I was a quick and temporary fix to most of these men. I was the scratch to their itch.” I tightened my hold on Gideon’s hand when he tensed up next to me. “In the two years I worked for Tina, I became good at reading people. Put me in a room with twenty men, and I’ll point out the loneliest fucker in two minutes.”

That was the pain in my former field. It was flooded with loneliness. Men who hid who they were and tried to tell themselves that a quick fuck with a whore would be enough for them.

“Fast-forward two years of slinging macchiatos and cheeseburgers,” I continued. “I forgot about the pretending and the personas, to use your words—presumably somewhere between struggling to pay the bills and going nowhere—and then I met you.” I cleared my throat, a little amused by how fucking naïve I’d been. “It didn’t even occur to me to pretend with you, Gideon. I’ve been out of the game for too long. You talk about breaking rules? I’ve already broken several of my own.”

“What rules?” he asked carefully.

I shrugged, even as my heart started pounding, and I went with honesty. “Don’t get involved, for one. Don’t get personally invested or attached. Don’t fuck without protection.”

He nodded slowly, and I kept facing forward and did my best to stay casual. I’d just admitted to him that I was getting attached to him, and I wasn’t sure he interpreted it that way. I didn’t even know if I wanted him to say he felt the same. It was a messy situation, one I couldn’t afford to lose. Thousands of dollars and my future were at stake, so whether he would go on with his life after this, or he would like to explore something else with me, it had to wait.

“We’ve both broken rules, then,” Gideon murmured.

“Mm.”

I welcomed the silence that followed. I wasn’t ready to hear anything, and he obviously had nothing to say.

It was for the best.

We kept walking in the New York night, hand in hand, talking a little, but saying nothing in particular.

“Nicky, we gotta discuss this new song of yours after tonight.”

“No, we don’t.” I offered an innocent smile as Anthony rejoined us after getting a new microphone. We were supposed to rehearse at the church, but a Vigil service took precedence, so we’d opened up one of our rehearsal rooms at the academy tonight. The choir was here and warmed up, and then one of the microphones had acted up.

Anthony shot me an annoyed look before walking over to the platform in the back where the choir stood.

I knew what he wanted to say anyway. I wasn’t having it.

My phone buzzed on the top of the piano. It was a message from Gideon.

I’m not a fan of you having a day off.

I smirked.

I wasn’t a huge fan of it either. I missed him. It was fucking crazy how that man had gotten under my skin in just a month. But the outdoor concert was approaching, and my ass needed some recovery. Last night, Gideon had taken me for a walk in Hell’s Kitchen. We walked a lot these