wanted him to wonder about me. I wanted him to ask the right questions. But more than anything, I’d wanted him to join me on that dance floor and take what I'd been so very willing to give him.
Every piece of me.
Even if it’d all be just a temporary thing and something I’d regret in the long run, I'd wanted it as badly as my next breath.
The problem had come when I’d glanced at Nikolai and had noticed all the guys watching him. I doubted he'd even realized how much attention had been focused on him. His eyes had been on me, but I hadn't been able to read anything in his expression and I'd felt that scattering in my brain begin all over again.
As much as I'd wanted to believe that Nikolai could be that release for me, I'd had to face reality. So I’d focused on the men in my immediate vicinity that I could have and had settled on a cute little twink I hadn’t recognized. But the more I’d danced with the young man, the more I'd focused on the one I couldn't have. When I’d looked again at Nikolai, I'd seen him engrossed in conversation with Angel, a very undiscriminating guy who didn't pull his punches when going after what he wanted. The mere sight of Angel putting his hands on Nikolai had made me sick to my stomach and all that noise in my head had come rushing back. Maybe if it hadn't, I wouldn't have been so willing to allow myself to be pulled away from the main part of the dance floor by a guy who didn't believe in the word “no.”
I found myself reaching for my throat just as the SUV pulled to a stop. My fingers were on my neck when the driver opened the door and the inside of the vehicle lit up. Nikolai's eyes were like ice as he watched me, then he was out of the car. I felt cold and empty as I climbed out of the vehicle behind him. When we’d gotten in, he'd still been holding my hand. But there were no proffered fingers for me to grab onto as I got out of the vehicle. In fact, Nikolai seemed intent on not touching me as he motioned to my building's entrance.
It wasn't until we were on the elevator that the silence between us was broken. I was the one to break it when I saw the knuckles on Nikolai's right hand. They were covered in blood and bruises. "Oh God, Nikolai, your hand," I said as I went to gently grab it. He yanked it away from me before I could make contact.
It hurt.
It hurt a lot.
I knew he was pissed at me, but I hadn't expected such disgust, hatred even. I supposed I couldn't really blame him. My behavior had forced him to intercede. I’d done exactly what he'd been accusing me of all along. I'd disregarded my safety as well as his because I hadn't been able to focus on the right things.
I wanted to explain to him why I couldn't have even if I'd wanted to, but I held my tongue. I dropped my own hand, which I realized was covered in blood from when he'd held my hand, and sidled away from him until my shoulder was pressed up against the elevator. We didn't speak again after that. When we reached my floor, I allowed Nikolai to dictate when it was safe for me to step off the elevator and I quietly followed him to the end of the hall where my apartment was. But instead of going for my door, he went for the door next to it. I began searching my pocket for my keys but by the time I found them, Nikolai was motioning to his apartment.
"Inside. Now," he demanded.
His anger put me on edge but in my gut I knew he wouldn't hurt me. I entered his apartment and waited until he was inside and had locked the door. He threw the keys into a bowl on a side table and then he was reaching for my arm. I expected his touch to be harsh, but it was surprisingly gentle as he led me forward.
The layout of the apartment was similar to mine, though it seemed smaller. There was nothing personal about it and the modern-looking furniture didn't fit the vision of Nikolai I had in my head. I imagined him sitting on a cushy,