in the face. I could think of only one reason why Nikolai would be living in the cramped space above the bakery and why he hadn't gone in on a partnership with Mike. I shook my head in disbelief. "You’re helping to pay for everything," I whispered.
Nikolai glanced out the window behind us. It overlooked nothing more than a dingy alley. "Easiest decision I ever made," he said. "Family comes first. Always."
"Nikolai, I'm sorry—"
"Don't, Jude," he interjected. He gave me a soft smile and said, "It's all good. We’re all good."
His words should have offered some comfort but there was a pit of lead in my stomach. "Nikolai, if you guys need some help getting back on your feet—"
"Jude," Nikolai cut in again. I immediately fell silent, because I'd already known what his response would be.
"I'm sorry," I murmured after a moment. "I don't mean to upset or embarrass you. It's just that I have more than enough money and you and your family are so amazing and you deserve better…"
My eyes began to sting and I found myself blinking rapidly in an effort to stave off the tears that were threatening. There was a slight shifting of the couch and then Nikolai was sitting next to me, Maks still out cold in his arms.
"Look at me," Nikolai commanded, and then his finger was under my chin, forcing me to make eye contact. He held my gaze for the longest time before he softly said, "Thank you."
He seemed genuinely grateful, but I knew it didn't change anything. "You won't take it, will you?"
Nikolai sighed and then wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him. God, had I just fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to me? The familiar ringing began in my ears, but it wasn't until his arm moved from my shoulder and down to my thigh that I realized I was tapping my fingers in the way I always did when I got anxious. Nikolai's hand wrapped around mine and then he linked our fingers.
I clung to him and willed the noise in my head away. Until that moment, it hadn’t even occurred to me that I hadn’t heard that ringing in several days… not since I’d told Nikolai the truth about my cars.
How had that happened? What the hell did it even mean?
Nikolai’s fingers tightened on mine. I glanced at him and saw him watching me with concern.
It made me want to cry. This gorgeous, sweet, kind, loyal, amazing man had given up so much for everyone around him, including me—especially me—and I couldn’t give him anything in return. Even now he was more concerned about me than himself. What had I done to deserve it? If I didn’t know what I’d done to earn that kind of loyalty, how could I keep from fucking it all up? How could I keep from losing him?
You’re just a job, remember, Jude?
The insidious voice was like a bomb going off inside of me but as Nikolai pulled me into his side and brushed his lips against my temple, I did something I’d never had the strength to do before.
I told the voice to fuck off.
I wasn’t just a job to Nikolai.
I wasn’t.
Chapter 25
Nikolai
I couldn't hide my exhaustion as the elevator made its way up to Jude's apartment. Jude seemed to be in the same boat because he was leaning back against the opposite wall and had his eyes closed.
It had been a rough afternoon with Maks. My nephew had ended up having several ups and downs in the few hours that Jude and I had taken care of him. There’d been a combination of tears and laughter on Maks’s part that had left the little boy and us completely wiped out by the time Elena had finished up in the shop.
While I probably could've handled watching Maks by myself, having Jude there had made it a thousand times easier. He’d spent hours building things out of everyday household items to entertain Maks and it had worked.
My parents had ended up convincing us to stay for a light dinner, though my mother had played it smart with the request and had plied Jude with her best you’ll disappoint me if you don’t stay and he’d fallen for it, hook, line, and sinker. Dinner had been a quieter affair than the last time Jude had eaten with us but seeing him at my mother's table interacting with my family had been more proof that he