The Warrior God (The Ares Trials #1) - Eliza Raine Page 0,68
existence. So why, why, why I had I never felt anything like what I had when Bella kissed me? Why had I never seen fire burn in Aphrodite’s eyes? Why had the drums of war never beat to the rhythm of my racing pulse when Aphrodite kissed me? Because whenever I was with Aphrodite, I was only aware of her. I was never aware of my own feelings or body. I always wanted more of her delight, her pleasure, her satisfaction, only considering my own release later. But with Bella... I’d desired her for my own pleasure, unable to stop myself imagining what it would feel like to be inside her, what her own pleasure would have felt like for me.
I let out an angry hiss. This was untenable. Bella could not be more off limits. The memory of the hurt on her face earlier, her anger with me, made that unfamiliar feeling grip my chest again. The one I believed to be guilt.
I couldn’t tell her why kissing her was such a bad idea. I couldn’t tell her anything, and for the first damned time in my life, I felt guilty.
I tried to rationalize my confused emotions as I watched the party, unwilling to believe they couldn’t be explained. I was the God of War, and as such had an innate appreciation for valor and fighting skill. Bella’s courage and her fire compelled me to respect her. The thrill of adrenaline I had experienced after fighting the Hydra must have combined with that, resulting in my desire for her. The fact that I could taste my own power within her now just made her feel more connected to me than she actually was.
Yes. That was surely all there was to it.
But she felt it too.
Maybe Eris was right. Maybe the best way to end anything we might accidentally have triggered was for me to do the one thing I knew would make her despise me. Show her what a monster I was. Maybe I should use up all of her power again, in the next fight. It would prove to Aphrodite that I didn’t have any allegiance to Bella, and it would ensure Bella would never kiss me again.
The jolt of loss I felt at just thinking about never having my lips so close to hers again only served to strengthen my resolve.
Whatever it was that was causing these feelings had to be stopped.
29
Bella
It was easy to spot the Olympian gods amongst the guests. If they didn’t stand out so much for their sheer aura of power, the many other guests fawning over them would have identified them as special. Once again, I was disappointed not to see Hera. I was desperate to ask about Zeeva, and her interest in me.
Hermes and Dionysus both came to speak to me though. I liked Hermes instantly, his cheerful red beard and hair brightening my mood as soon as he began to speak. He asked me about being human, and where my power came from. When I told him I didn’t know, he shrugged and told me that he couldn’t keep track of his offspring either, and that was one of the many troubles of being immortal. He didn’t look troubled though, and was soon waving cheerfully at me as he left to talk to a woman who was over ten feet tall.
Dionysus, on the other hand, I struggled to talk to at all because his words were so slurred and his accent so odd so that I couldn’t really understand him. In the end a small troupe of silent women with tree-bark skin - just like the girl at the caravanserai - gave me apologetic grins and carried him off.
“Well fought today,” said a male voice as I watched Dionysus disappear with mild amusement. I turned to see Pain, smiling at me. He looked positively regal, in a white robe adorned with gold embroidery, and even more bling than before dripping from his neck and fingers. “I look forward to seeing more of the two of you tomorrow.”
“Don’t suppose you want to give me a heads up? Tell me what to expect?”
He chuckled. “Absolutely not. You look ravishing tonight.” His eyes turned darker, and that uneasy feeling I got whenever he was around shuddered across my skin.
“Thanks. I’m going to find Eris,” I said, starting to turn around.
“You’re not just any demigod,” he said quietly. I stopped, and turned back to him slowly.