heard my brother shuffle out, his breath seeming to come out in pants before the door shut loudly behind him and I heard the lock engage. Before I could protest that I didn’t want a shower, Violet started undressing me. Since I was wearing baggy sweats and a shirt that was three sizes too big on me, she didn’t have any trouble getting me naked.
Violet pushed me into the shower and shut the stall door before leaning back against it so I couldn’t just step out again. “Wash your hair,” she commanded.
Grumbling under my breath, I stepped under the spray and let the water wash over me. As I lathered my hair, I called out to her. “Since when do you speak to my brother?”
“Since I told him he wasn’t the only person who mattered and he was turning into a selfish monster,” she said in a bored voice. “I also slapped his pretty face a few times before punching him in the gut so hard, I’m surprised he didn’t puke.”
I clapped my hands together. “Way to go, Vi.”
“He’s been trying since then.”
“Trying?” I frowned at her shadow on the shower door. “What’s he been trying?”
“To do better. He’s been nicer. Less of an asshole.” She blew out a sigh. “Not that it mattered. You still broke up with Jagger.”
“He wasn’t going to tell me about Cannon moving in,” I muttered, scrubbing my scalp a little harder than necessary. “Instead, he wanted to take me to Mexico and pretend like it wasn’t going to happen.”
“Oh my. How terrible. Your boyfriend wanted to go to Mexico with you, so you broke up with him,” she snarked.
“He picked Cannon over me!” I defended my decision. “Again.”
“Bullshit. He was scared of losing you, and you overreacted.” I heard her huff. “You took the easy way out because you were scared.”
“No, I didn’t,” I cried, unable to stop my eyes from filling with tears.
“Yes, you did.” She opened the door and gave me a sad smile. “I’m sorry, Shaw. I hate that what happened with me did this to you. That you’re so frightened of loving someone that you push away the one guy who loves you more than anything in the world.”
For the first time since Sunday night, I felt myself start to crumble. My knees grew weak, and I leaned back against the shower wall before slowly sliding down until I was sitting on the tiled floor. “He hurt my heart, Vi. He picked Cannon.”
With the water still running, Violet stepped in with me and crouched down in front of me as I pulled my knees to my chest. “I don’t dispute that he hurt you, but he didn’t pick Cannon. Loving someone isn’t easy, Shaw. You make mistakes. Usually they are tiny ones that can be worked out if you’re willing to try. This was microscopic on the scale of fuckups.”
“But if my heart hurt that much over something so small, how will I feel when he does something major?” I asked her in a tiny voice.
“When?” She shook her head sadly. “Do you hear yourself? You’re setting yourself up for failure with that kind of mentality. ‘When’ isn’t an option. Neither is ‘if.’ Because Jagger isn’t Luca.”
“But—”
“Listen to me, Shaw.” She took hold of my hands and gave them a firm squeeze. “Luca decimated my heart. He tore apart the dreams I had of our future together. But I didn’t give up on love. I want to fall in love again one day. With a guy who deserves me, who will love me with his entire heart, and cherish me every day of his life. Do you know why I can still dream of that?”
I shook my head, fighting the lump clogging my throat, unable to understand how she could even consider letting someone that close to her heart again when her soul mate had pushed her into such a dark place.
“Because of Jagger. He loves you so much that I can’t help but hope for someone to love me like that one day.” She pushed my wet hair out of my face. “I know you’re scared, and I understand it. Really, I do. But you are missing out on something amazing by letting that fear stand like a wall between you and Jagger.”
Was she right?
Did my fear of falling down that dark, self-destructive rabbit hole like Violet make me push Jagger away? He’d said something similar, but I’d been too worked up at the time to think about it.