Addie.” He sniffled and buried his face into the mattress.
“When Yuri told me what was goin’ on, I freaked out. I said all that stuff, but it wasn’t true, Addie. I swear to God—”
No. No, I would not look at him.
“I heard you crying in here and it was tearin’ my guts out, but everybody said I did the right thing. Then when the storm started, I had to go to the steering hold. But when I got back, the place was all messed up and you were gone. We didn’t think there was no way he could get down here. I thought you’d be okay in here. I thought you’d be safe.”
He struggled to continue and instinctively I wanted to reach out and pull him closer. He seemed to be hurting so much and if I could do anything to alleviate that pain, I wanted to do it, but I knew it was a ruse. I brushed away a tear and cradled my knees to my body. I hated him for making me feel this way.
“I had everybody looking for you everywhere all night long.” All night? What time was it now?
“We searched everywhere, Addie, every crew cabin, the lifeboats, the engine room. It was only ‘round dawn that Reid was saying you went overboard.”
I scoffed. Into the ocean? Now why hadn’t I thought of that?
Then again maybe it was a good thing I hadn’t. If I had, I might have seriously considered it for a moment. Or, like an idiot, I might have attempted to take a lifeboat out by myself. Of course what I had done wasn’t a genius move, either. But I had given in to my panic and let it take over my rationale. I closed my eyes and tried to will the humiliation away.
I gave in and turned my head around to see Charlie seething. It killed me to see his hands ripping at his hair angrily, nearly taking it by the root.
I didn’t think when I reached my hand out to stop him. “No, Charlie.”
He looked up, stopped instantly.
“You promised.” It was a weak argument, but it was the only thing I had to work with.
His smile was almost enough to break me. I knew I shouldn’t have looked at him, his eyes were weary and sunken. It wasn’t difficult to believe he hadn’t slept. Every color that normally shone in his eyes was dulled by sadness and a gloss of tears that wouldn’t spill. He hadn’t shaved yet and his body seemed fatigued and obstructed by frustration.
He let me pull his hand away, but I could see instantly that he’d already caused some serious injuries. His pinky and ring fingers of his left hand were swollen, and the knuckles were bruised severely enough that I flinched at the sight.
“God, Charlie, what did you do to yourself?”
He seemed confused, but then followed my gaze to his hand. “I-I got angry.”
The image of the punched-in wall in Hold 6 came to my mind.
I put his hand down as gingerly as I could to wipe away my tears. Charlie saw them and nearly became hysterical with regret.
“I’m sorry, Addie. I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please don’t cry! I’m gonna find him and I’ll make him regret any second of his life he spent hurting you. I’ll make it up to you, okay? I promise I’ll make it right.”
I tried to find the words, tried to find the feeling. Yet everything was mush in my brain. I reached for the glass of water and chugged it in a single gulp.
“Charlie,” I pleaded. “You have to slow down. Don’t pull a Polo on me.”
He looked up and smiled. It was without question the greatest thing I had ever seen.
I ran my hand through his hair and wiped at my own tears. After a moment I started again. “I-I’m not really sure what you’re talking about, Charlie.”
He frowned again. I could sense he was worried for my mental well-being. “Wallace.”
I pulled away, coiled myself into the blankets and made myself as small as I could. I hadn’t thought about him since Charlie all but promised he wasn’t on the ship. What was it he was saying to me now?
Charlie saw my fear and reacted. “You gotta tell me what happened,” he repeated. His face went stoic again, his voice all stone.
“No.”
“Addie—”
“No.” My voice was stronger now, more resolute. “You have to tell me what happened. Are you saying that-that person is here? What? How?” The room began to close