I don’t know when I stopped acting like an idiot and calmed down. When I finally gave in to the claustrophobia and the cold, I couldn’t do anything more than lie back down and shiver into myself.
I was too busy waiting for death.
I was curled against the web of the hold, alone and quaking as the wind continued to ransack its exterior walls, sending in the occasional splash of rain to provoke me. I tried to go back to those places of memory that made me so happy before: Mom and Dad trying to ride a tandem bike, attempting to help Robbie pick out a Christmas gift for some girl he liked. And even though I didn’t want to, though I tried to avoid it, I also thought of Charlie. I tried to push him out of my head. I didn’t want my final thoughts to be of him; he didn’t deserve them. But eventually, I gave in and recalled every word, every smell, and every sound that was ever him. As the night gave way, so did my mind…
What a funny sort of way to die, I thought.
Chapter 13
I pulled away from the arms at first. They were so unusually warm I was sure they must have belonged to the Devil himself. So I had died and gone to Diyu. I was burning, burning. I was going to be punished for not accomplishing any of my goals, for leaving everyone behind. I called out, though the words didn’t come. Please don’t hurt me! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
But that didn’t sound right at all. I was, in actuality, cold.
So very, very, cold.
I wanted to tell my body to do something other than shake. Maybe I should have been moving, screaming, or even fighting. Yet all my body could do was settle back into the Devil’s arms. It was bizarre how perfectly I seemed to fit there and how easily I gave in to the sound of the drums that demons played just for me. As much as I wanted to, in the end I could do nothing else.
Something familiar and desperate called out my name. Its voice was pleading aggressively, begging for something I couldn’t understand. It reminded me of being choked to death and I wanted to laugh—had I met the Devil then, too?
“Addie? Addie!”
Warmth touched my face. I pulled away.
“Hey, Addie?” That was my name. Of course the Devil would know my name. That would make sense. I tried to think it through, but the drums were pounding in my head, making my ears ache miserably. I wanted it to stop more than I could describe. And the Devil was babbling incoherently, making things that much worse. All of his words were incomprehensible, clouded by a fog of pain and cold. What did the Devil have to be so miserable about? All at once, I had to know. Though he continued to say my name through sobs and what I thought might be profanities, it made my heart hurt to think he could suffer so much on my account. Perhaps if I did his bidding, though, he wouldn’t be so disheartened.
But when I tried to open my eyes they were fastened shut. Maybe it was a trick? At the very least, the drums were beginning to fade a bit and my head didn’t ache so much. I could hear other voices now, and the Devil was angry with them. I’m not certain why, but I heard him yelling, bellowing like the great monster every legend depicted him to be. I hoped not to make him angry.
I tried to open my eyes again. This time I focused on the shadows that lay just beyond my eyelids. There was something strangely comforting about them. And while my surroundings felt familiar enough, I couldn’t give them definition. When my eyes finally did open, everything was blurred by my swollen lids. I could see the outline of shapes and figures clearly enough, but I could hardly see any detail. The only thing I could really retain as the images became clearer was the side of the Devil and serpent gaining momentum.
“Ch-Charlie?” He turned so quickly at the sound of my voice I wondered if the serpent had been there at all.
“Addie.” He sighed my name as though it brought some great relief.
The shapes of the other people vanished through the door. It was only