threatened, and even assaulted, but I had also fallen in love. It sounded so brutal by comparison to my feelings for Charlie, and yet if this was Stockholm Syndrome, then I decided that everyone should have it at least once if it made them as happy as it was making me.
Charlie had said repeatedly that he wasn’t a good person, and it was true that I couldn’t condone some of the things he had done. Still, his remorse had to count for something, right? While he could never make up for the things he had done, he couldn’t fool me, either. I had seen him in those moments with his friends, his dedication to his art, and that compassion for me that led to my feelings for him. If I could understand that he was so much more than a thief, then why couldn’t he?
In the cabin I pretended to be annoyed and covered my flaming cheeks with my cold, wet hair. It was a minimal but welcome relief against the heat of the blush. I crossed my legs over each other and sat down on the bed while Charlie continued to stare me down and sketch. The day’s activities had hit me and I was overwhelmed by my own tiredness; my body feeling the weight of it all. Charlie smiled at my yawn and sat down next to me.
“I should let you sleep.”
“No!” I hadn’t meant to sound so desperate, but I pulled him by the arm before he had the chance to get up and leave. I wanted to soak up every moment with him I could, integrate him into my bloodstream. There was a wave of separation anxiety dropping into me at the mere thought of him leaving. My organs felt as though they would shrivel when it happened; I would simply die.
“Will you stay?” I pleaded. His eyebrows nearly hit the ceiling and a grin spread across his face at the suggestion. “Just until I fall asleep?”
He nodded and kicked off his boots, taking his time to lie out on the bed with his back against the wall.
“Here you go gettin’ a guy’s hopes up…”
I hit him lightly in the chest and lay out next to him. Since the bed was only a twin, we were basically on top of each other, on our sides so we could face one another. We shared the only pillow, but neither of us complained. I reached out and played my fingers over the serpent on his neck as though it were a keyboard—it was becoming increasing difficult not to imagine playing other parts of his body.
Charlie must have felt it too because he clasped my hand in his to prevent it from going any further.
“Th-that probably ain’t such a good idea.”
I was hurt by the instant rejection. The horrible idea came to my mind that maybe I had been completely wrong about his reaction toward me. Maybe he had only been showing me kindness out of the goodness of his heart, a way of keeping things civil between us. And could our kiss have been a moment of pity?
“I’m sorry if I’m being a nuisance.”
He scoffed, propped himself up on his elbow, and looked me over. “Can I tell you something?”
I was almost afraid to hear the answer. “I guess.”
“That blush of yours is ‘bout the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
I groaned into the pillow while he laughed. “No! Come on, I was covering it so well!”
He gushed with laughter. “If you say so.”
We laughed together until he pulled me forward by the chin, our faces only inches apart.
“You gotta be the greatest thing I ever stole.”
Once more our lips collided and sent me gliding across the surf. It started out simple and tender, but the current took us both within a matter of seconds and we became like two desperate swimmers, reaching out for more.
Abruptly he pulled, almost shoved, me away. “Stop.” He was breathless and flushed, barely able to get the word out.
I closed my eyes to keep the room from spinning. “Why?”
“‘Cause I’m a real bad man, but I can’t do that, Addie.”
The confusion was beginning to beat me down. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve done a lot of bad things in my day. But if we do this…if I took that away from you, I’d roast in hell for sure. You’re too good to be here with me, Addie. You gotta get yourself somethin’ a lot better than me—”