Then he laughed. A little meanly. “Well. It appears not only is my family keeping me in the dark about things that directly affect my life, but my girlfriend is too.”
“Nolan—”
“I don’t want to hear an excuse. I deserved to know about that employment stipulation as soon as you did, because we were making plans for a future together.”
“Were? Don’t you mean are?”
He jammed his hand through his hair. “I don’t know fuck-all about anything anymore, even things I was one hundred percent sure about this morning. This day is an example of epic failure and for once, I’m not the one who’s gonna shoulder the blame for it.”
My spirit, my hope . . . crumpled.
“One thing I do know is this is still my office and I’ll ask you both once to get out while I prepare for the board meeting.” He walked away and the door slammed behind him.
Jax swore and went after him, but Sam blocked his path. “You heard my boss. Go visit your wife, Jax. Maybe she can help you understand why your family shut out one of their own.”
I waited until Jax had left to make my own escape.
Sam didn’t acknowledge me at all as I slunk past his desk.
I managed to hold it together until I shut myself in the privacy of my truck. Then I sobbed for everything I’d lost today. But thinking about all that Nolan had lost, that’s when the dam really broke. I’d caused some of his pain, instead of being his safe harbor against the rest of the tides rushing over him.
Oh god, that hurt me like a hundred knife cuts.
I hadn’t told him about the required move to Duluth because I knew he’d urge me to go. He would’ve put a positive spin on it and assured me we’d work it out.
But I hadn’t trusted that we’d built a strong enough foundation yet to withstand long periods of separation. So in my fear of losing him, I’d made the decision not to tell him something that could’ve given us a chance to fortify that foundation . . . and I might’ve lost him anyway.
I don’t remember the drive to my apartment. Once inside, I turned off my phone and crawled into bed.
Twenty-Nine
NOLAN
Back when I was about five years old, I went to the office with my dad.
For some reason he’d left me with Grandpa Jackson, which was odd because Dad knew his father was a mean old man. Even more odd was that Grandpa had wanted to play a game with me, when normally, he just scowled at me and called me “the spare” or worse.
Eager to please, I listened intently to the rules of the game, which would result in five marshmallow cream eggs if I made it through all five levels—but that was the trick. If I made it through two levels, I didn’t get two eggs. I got nothing. Four levels? Nothing. Only winning all five levels would earn me the prize.
Being a typical kid, I’d complained that it wasn’t fair. Shouldn’t I be rewarded for trying?
If he could’ve gotten away with boxing my ears, he would have. Instead, he’d grabbed me by the arm and jerked me close enough that I wouldn’t miss a word of his wisdom.
Life wasn’t fair.
Trying wasn’t winning.
If you gave up you deserved to lose everything no matter how hard you thought you’d worked for it.
As an adult, I understood his message better than the young boy who’d just wanted a grandpa who wasn’t a candy-hoarding, name-calling, rough-grabbing, mean-mouthed asshole.
I kept that lesson in mind as I strode into the Lund Industries boardroom. I’d intentionally showed up ten minutes late so no one had a chance to waylay me beforehand.
LI used a nondescript table for board meetings. But the chairs were comfortable for those few times a year when meetings ran long. In years past, I’d always sat somewhere in the middle of the table, usually next to my cousin Walker so I could kick his chair whenever he dozed off.
Today, even though my dad had made it to the meeting, I had the head of the table. My uncle Monte sat at the opposite end. The only unoccupied chair belonged to Dallas as she was off on another adventure. I looked at this group of people I loved and forced down the anger that had been burning in me since late last night when I’d discovered the duplicity.