The Wall of Winnipeg and Me - Mariana Zapata Page 0,206

digging in without another word.

I caught Aiden watching me when I took the time to look at him, but I was so busy inhaling the food, I didn’t do it much. About three-fourths of the way through my plate, I finally wiped at my chin with the back of my hand and shot him a grateful smile. “Thank you so much for making that for me.”

“Uh-huh.” He pointed at the corner of his mouth. “You have rice right there.”

Wiping at the spot he was pointing out, I asked, “How long was I asleep?”

“About three hours.”

Three hours? Shit, I didn’t think I’d slept that long.

“Van.” Aiden’s face swam into my groggy vision. “What were you going to tell me before your run?”

Aww shit. Shit, shit, shit. Had I completely forgotten about it? No. I’d thought about what I’d told him at least a thousand times in the four hours it took me to run. I’d wanted to kick myself in the ass for saying anything at least half the time. The other half of the time, when I was reminding myself I was amazing and I was running a marathon so I could tackle the world and Iron Man competitions, I felt like I’d done the right thing.

With a plate of food he’d cooked for me on my lap and a bottle of coconut water in between his massive thighs and an empty glass on my nightstand, I was going to tell Aiden I loved him.

I loved him. I loved him so much I would do just about anything for him. I loved him enough to risk spending the next four and a half years of my life with a man who would more than likely divorce me and move on with his career.

Because fuck it, what was life if you didn’t live it and make the most out of it? What was life without loving someone who cared about you a lot more than he cared about anyone else? That was my truth. Aiden had hugged me and told me he was proud of me in front of reporters and strangers alike, when he held on to his privacy with both hands.

And it hadn’t been fake.

I could do this.

I would.

Because I would rather tell him than spend the rest of my life wondering about what would have happened if I told him he meant the world to me. That he was the first new person in my life I completely trusted. That I could settle for being number two in his life until he had more time.

So I said it, even though my fingers were gripping the plate so hard I was worried it would break. I made myself look him in the eye as I did it. “I was going to tell you… I was going to tell you that I love you. I know you said you don’t want a relationship, and I know things between us are super complicated—”

The plate in my hands was taken away.

“—but I love you. I’m sorry I’m not sorry. I didn’t want to be—”

“Vanessa.”

“I don’t want to be someone’s number two or number three priority because sometimes I like to be greedy—”

“Van.”

“—but I can’t help how I feel. I’ve tried to stop, I swear. But I couldn’t.”

Then it came. “Shut up.”

I closed my mouth and frowned at the bearded face frowning down at me.

“Did you listen to anything I told you when you finished your run? I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much you can’t begin to comprehend how much. I didn’t want to leave you. I kept trying to talk myself out of going. Why do you think I never brought it up?”

Now that had me thinking. “But… you didn’t say anything when you left. You took Leo.”

“You didn’t ask me to stay.” He squeezed my hands. “I took Leo because I couldn’t take you. I assumed you wanted to stay with Diana and do your marathon because you didn’t feel the same. I was going to ask you to come with me.”

“You were?”

That handsome, wonderful face leaned closer to mine. “How do you not know that you mean the world to me? I haven’t made it clear enough?”

“I don’t know,” I stuttered. “Do you love me?”

His gaze was so intent the entire world seemed to stop. “You tell me. I never stop thinking about you. I worry about you all the time. Every beautiful thing I see reminds me of you. I can’t finish my practices in Colorado without