Wall Street Titan (Wall Street Titan #1) - Anna Zaires Page 0,46
I stare at her blankly, she rolls her eyes and says pointedly, “That publishing industry job you’ve wanted forever? He could hook you up in a moment. Hell, his fund could probably buy any publisher you want with spare change.”
I wince. “Kendall—”
She holds up a hand. “I know, I know. You’re determined to stand on your own two feet, and that’s admirable. But guess what, Ems? The ground under your feet can be a green lawn or a swamp, and we don’t get to choose which—unless we’re very lucky and fate hands us a way to cross over. And you, my darling, just got handed the equivalent of the Golden Gate Bridge. Marcus Carelli can lead you to the greenest pastures imaginable; all you have to do is say yes.”
On the subway ride home, I do my best to forget Kendall’s words, but the bitter taste in my mouth lingers. I’ve told her about my childhood more than once, but she still doesn’t get it, not really. To her, Marcus’s billionaire status is a plus, whereas to me, it’s a huge minus. His money and connections are the last thing I want, and that fact alone would’ve doomed any relationship we might’ve started.
Not that he even wants a relationship with me. I’m pretty sure it would’ve been a one- or two-night deal, at most. And while I had entertained the idea, when it came down to it—when he didn’t deny that he might ultimately marry Emmeline—I couldn’t go through with it, no matter how much my body begged me to.
I was too overwhelmed by how he made me feel—and downright terrified of what it would be like when he inevitably walked out of my life.
So it’s for the best that I made it happen yesterday, before I got in any deeper. It really is. So what if I felt so shitty after rejecting him that I couldn’t sleep? It was too much for me—he was too much for me—and it’s good to know one’s limitations.
Or at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself from the moment Marcus walked out, closing the repaired door behind him. Without his presence, my studio immediately felt colder, emptier… less vital somehow.
No, that’s not true. I refuse to go there. However volcanic our attraction, we’re otherwise completely incompatible. I made the right choice, no matter what Kendall or anyone else thinks.
All I need to do is make myself believe that.
24
Marcus
I spend the rest of Friday evening trying to convince myself that what happened was for the best, that I’m glad Emma pulled the plug on this insanity before it went any further. Granted, it would’ve been nice to fuck her and relieve the tension that’s taken hold of me from the moment I laid eyes on her, but ultimately, this couldn’t have gone anywhere.
Emmeline—or another woman like her—is what I need, and Emma would’ve just been a distraction. Had already been a distraction, in fact, messing with my focus at work and elsewhere.
In spite of that perfectly rational reasoning, I barely sleep Friday night, feeling tense and restless despite two cold showers and an encounter with my fist. Each time I close my eyes, I see Emma in her lacy underwear, and my body burns with the need to have her, to feel her soft curves under my palms and taste the sweetness of her lips.
Finally, I give up on sleep and go for a ten-mile run. The hard pace I set is sufficiently exhausting, and by the time I sit down to eat the gourmet breakfast my butler has prepared for me, some of my frustration has eased. Still, I decide to call Emmeline to really get my mind off things.
We have another pleasant chat. I learn that she’ll be coming to New York on a business trip in December, and we agree to meet for dinner the night she’s free. It’s all very proper and civilized, and when I hang up the phone, I don’t feel the slightest urge to stalk her or drag her off to a cave.
And that’s how it should be, I tell myself as I go into my home office to catch up on some work. With Emma, I was constantly on the verge of losing control and forgetting what’s really important. The hunger the little redhead awakened in me was too potent, too dangerous. I want to be attracted to the woman I’m with, but not like that.