him. But it scared him. Because look what happened. Without ever trying he’d hurt the one person he’d do anything for.
And when he said that he wanted what Drake found with Adria, he’d thrown it in her face that she offered it to him on a daily basis and he never accepted it because he didn’t—
Wait. He did have feelings for her. The depths of which he was just starting to allow himself to explore because, well, he was afraid of losing her.
“I want you to have that kind of love in your life, Tate. I want it for myself. And I’m afraid that if I focus too much on our friendship and not on what I want, I’ll never have it.”
Being friends with him wasn’t enough to make her happy. If he understood what she was saying, it actually made her sad and lonely.
He never intended that. Yes, he loved having her in his life, there for him whenever and however he needed her. That’s the kind of friend everyone should have. But he hadn’t been that to her. Not in a way that made her feel that way. It kicked her in the gut. Somehow, someway he’d fallen short.
And that’s what he feared would happen if they took this thing to another level and he’d lose her.
He didn’t like feeling inadequate.
Unsettled by her words, his chest ached.
This didn’t feel like a conversation that brought them back together. It felt like goodbye.
He couldn’t let things end this way. “Liz, I can’t say that what you want can’t be what we have.”
Everything about her went still. “What are you saying?”
He gave her the absolute truth. “I don’t want to lose you.”
She deflated with a sigh. “We will always be friends, Tate.” That gave him some relief. “But I want more in my life than just a friend.” She bit her lip, then admitted, “I want someone in my bed. I want to be with someone who wants me to be the last thing they see at night and the first thing they see in the morning, and they’re happy for that small but huge thing. I want to be something special to someone.”
“You are special to me.” He didn’t think he had to say it.
“It’s not the same, Tate, and you know it. You saw it with Drake and Adria. That extraordinary bond they share got to you. You wanted it with someone. You wanted to feel what you saw in Drake.”
Damn her for making him feel like he wasn’t enough for her.
His lungs seized and his brain halted all other thoughts.
Is that what always held him back from thinking they could be more than friends?
How many times did some guy he knew comment on Liz, and he confirmed she was great. Fantastic. She’d be a great girlfriend, wife, mother, all-around best person you could have in your life.
They’d ask why he never got together with her. He’d say the same thing every time. She wasn’t for him.
They’d always look at him like he’d lost his mind.
Why wasn’t she for him?
Because he cared so much about her, he thought she deserved better than him?
He didn’t know if he could answer that question without being confronted by other deeper thoughts and feelings.
Better to never go down that road.
But faced with losing her . . . he didn’t know if he could let these thoughts go and not do everything in his power to hold on to her.
“Tate, are you all right?” She always read him so well. He liked that most about her. He didn’t have to say a word and she heard everything he didn’t say.
“I’m confused,” he admitted. “I don’t like that you feel like our friendship isn’t equal.” He held up his hand. “It’s my fault. I took for granted that things would always be the way they were up until a few weeks ago. Before that I’m sure, which is why it upset you that I wasn’t putting into the friendship all I got out of it.”
Her green eyes went soft. “Thank you for understanding.”
“Why didn’t you just say something to me?”
She held her hands up, then let them fall to her sides again. “Things change, Tate. We’re adults now. What we want now has changed. We both want to move into the next phase of our lives. We can’t do everything together.”
“So you found someone else to do things with.” And for whatever reason, this time it irritated the shit out of him.