Kate stifled a pitiful laugh. “So nice of you to notice.” She leaned back and closed her eyes. “Rough life.”
“You wanna talk about it?”
She opened one eye. “With you?” Was he serious? They couldn’t even be in the same room without getting into an argument.
“Might help me understand where you’re coming from.” His gaze dropped to her left hand and the ring she still wore.
Frustration bubbled through her. He had no right to make her feel guilty over her life with Jake. If they didn’t get it out in the open, it was just going to keep on festering. “That really bothers you, doesn’t it?”
The muscles in his jaw flexed. “You’re damn right it does.”
“I don’t wear it to irritate you. I don’t even realize I’m wearing it most of the time.”
“And the rest of the time?”
“The rest of the time, I’m trying to figure out how this could have happened. I have a very hard time believing Jake did any of this on purpose.”
Ryan took a long drink. Tension caused fine lines to deepen around his eyes. “Maybe you didn’t know him so well.”
“Maybe I didn’t. It’s a little unnerving to think I could have been so wrong about someone.”
“Did he hurt you?”
His tone was cold, but there was a tender look in his eyes that eased the frustration inside her. “No. I know you may not want to hear it, but he was very decent. We argued some. Things weren’t always great, but he never physically hurt me. And he doted on Reed. I never once questioned his devotion.”
“Trusting.” The sarcasm tightened her spine. “The woman I knew would never have blindly gone along with just anything. It didn’t strike you as odd at all? You just accepted everything he told you?”
“He was a doctor. He said he was my husband. Everyone around me supported that. I never questioned it because I never had a reason to.” Her anger kicked up. “You don’t know what it’s like to wake up with no memory, with no idea of who you are. Until you do, don’t pass judgment on me.”
Silence stretched over the room. Her words hung in the air between them. Every time they talked, things just seemed to get worse. Kate drank her beer and counted the seconds that ticked by on Ryan’s watch. The low din was like a cannon going off in the room.
“Were you in love with him?”
His quiet voice brought Kate’s eyes up. He didn’t meet her gaze, instead kept looking out the window. But she didn’t miss the way his whole body tensed as if in preparation for the answer.
She didn’t want to lie. But she wasn’t overly elated about the truth, either. For the first time, she felt torn.
“Yes,” she said more hesitantly than she intended. “I thought so. Now…”
His intense sapphire eyes turned to her.
She lifted a shoulder and let it drop. “Now I don’t really know. I don’t know much of anything.”
“Shit.” Ryan’s jaw tightened. He pushed from the chair and went back into the kitchen to get another beer.
Kate took a deep breath and tamped down the frustration and guilt burning in her chest that she shouldn’t even be feeling. “Do you think there will ever be a day when we can have a conversation without you swearing at me for one reason or another?”
“No.” His tone was cold and impassive, his eyes fixed out the window toward their kids.
She stood. “Well, we must have had one hell of a marriage if this is any indication. What on God’s green earth ever convinced me to marry you in the first place?”
“I hate to bust your bubble, babe, but we’re still married.”
“You don’t have to remind me.” She was well aware of that fact now more than ever, and the reality of it was the only thing that made her rein in her emotions. “Look, Ryan, I know this is hard for you. I understand what you’re going through, even if I can’t relate. I’ve tried to put myself in your shoes a hundred times, and I can’t. But it doesn’t mean I don’t care.”
She wished he’d look at her, but he just kept staring out that damn window. “I’m not going to lie to you. There’s something about you that…intrigues me. Although what it is, I have no clue. You’re obnoxious, obtuse, rude and cold. And every time I’m around you, I’m reminded of those facts. You’re living up to your heartless reputation, Mr. Harrison.”