in the car. She’d closed down already, exhausted her conversation base, put up those walls her dad was so good at building.
Walking back toward the Conservatory, they spotted Reed and Ryan sitting on the bottom steps, sharing an ice-cream cone. Julia went running up to them, dropped into her father’s arms, and sank onto the steps at his feet. The transformation in her mood was incredible. One minute, she’d been grumpy and depressed. Then as soon as she’d seen her father, she’d shifted to happy and elated.
Kate stopped and took in the scene from a distance. They seemed to fit—all three of them. Ryan and Reed had obviously gotten along just fine. Reed was smiling and laughing and trying to climb on Ryan’s back. That didn’t surprise her, though. Her son was a happy boy. He liked people, and he’d been enthralled by Ryan from the start.
And Julia even seemed to be warming up to Reed. She shot him a quick smile when she thought no one was watching.
Kate was the only one who didn’t fit. She was the one causing all the confusion and hurt. She was the one who didn’t know how to make this whole damn thing work.
Her eyes slid shut, and she turned before the tears could fall. This day had been so much harder for her than she’d ever imagined. Not just her conversation with Julia but all of it. Seeing the kids, watching them with Ryan, sensing how at ease he was with them and realizing how uncomfortable she felt about everything.
She headed back down the path to catch her breath, to check her emotions and regain composure. Breaking down in front of them wasn’t an option. Just a few minutes, that’s all she needed.
***
Ryan watched Annie disappear back down the path. He glanced down at Julia, then over at Reed. They looked happy. But Annie definitely didn’t.
Shit.
“Julia, keep an eye on Reed.”
“Ah, Dad, do I have to?” Julia whined.
He shot her a warning look. “Yes, you have to. You guys stay here and don’t wander. I’ll be right back.”
Following the path, he spotted Annie on a bench about fifty yards away, nestled between the trees. Her head was resting in her hands, and while he couldn’t make out her expression, he didn’t need to see her face to know what she was feeling. He’d seen her beaming with joy, so angry she could spit fire, and in the throes of bitter tears. And every time, he’d known what to say or do to make things better. This time, he didn’t.
He eased down onto the bench next to her. The scent of lilacs wafted in the air around him. He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes. After five years, she still wore the same perfume. Why hadn’t he noticed that before?
“Was she that bad?”
She shook her head but didn’t look up. “No. Just honest.”
He glanced through the trees toward the Conservatory where the kids were chasing each other up and down the steps. “That means bad.”
“No, Ryan, she was fine. Don’t get upset with her.”
When she lifted her head, he couldn’t help but see the tears in her eyes. And his heart clenched at the sight. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do to make this better.”
She wiped at the tears with trembling hands. “It’s okay. It’s me. I’m the one making things so difficult.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yeah, I am. This is just…” She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands. “It’s just more real than I thought it was going to be.”
Instinct overcame reason. He reached out to her before he thought better of it, slid an arm around her shoulder, pulled her close to his side. Her body stiffened in defense, then relaxed when he didn’t let go. His body heated as she sank into him. Warm. Solid. So very real. And when her face turned into his chest, his heart squeezed even tighter.
How could he have forgotten what she felt like? Memories flashed in his mind, ones he’d pushed down over the years to keep from feeling that mind-numbing pain. Her lying in his arms in their bed, her skin sliding over his, her lips pressing against his neck, her mouth whispering what she planned to do to him.
With her body close to his like this, every minute of their life together flashed in front of his eyes. She felt so good, so right. He didn’t want to let go.