Violence (Antihero Inferno #3) - Lily White Page 0,77
made him had to be broken.
And I had to break it because of Damon.
“I think this six-week friend thing is stupid,” he says, which actually soothes some of the dread inside me and fills me with hope.
“Oh, thank God. Me too-“
“Because,” he says, interrupting me before I can agree to end things here and now, “I think we both know that what we have has always been more than friends.”
Damn it.
Damn it all to hell.
“Damon-“
“No, hear me out before you say anything.”
It’s not hard to see he’s on edge.
Damon’s emotions are a hell of a lot easier to read than Ezra’s. They are always right there on the surface, a bomb waiting to explode in everybody’s face if he’s pushed too far.
I wonder if that’s why Ezra is so far on the opposite spectrum. Maybe he has to stay controlled so that he can manage the chaotic energy of his brother.
It makes sense, and in a weird way, it helps me understand Ezra a little better.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not still pissed at him for what he did at my house a week ago.
Ever since that night, Dylan has been a horror to deal with, his anger and bad attitude making life in my house a living hell.
I’ve tried talking to him several times, but all he does is call me a bartered whore for the family before brushing me off entirely for the friends he constantly has over.
Damon’s voice drags me back to the conversation, and another problem that’s trapped me in place without knowing how to resolve it.
“I’ve been thinking about things a lot, and I’ve figured why you stopped talking to us after high school.”
My heart stutters at that. The last thing I need either of the twins to figure out is why.
Clearing my throat, I swallow down a knot of concern, and realize I need to confront this head on at some point.
“What have you figured out?”
His fingers flex on my legs, a simple twitch that says more than he realizes.
This man is fighting whatever it is he’s thinking, his eyes searching my face as if begging me to agree with him before he’s said the first word.
“I think it’s my fault.”
My eyes close, and I draw in a breath, the truth of those words hanging between us with more weight and significance than Damon knows.
His voice is softer when he shuffles where he sits, his fingers gripping down again.
“You couldn’t tell him about us because I wouldn’t let you. And I feel like a complete dick for asking you to keep it from Ezra. Neither of us wanted to hurt him, and I never should have asked you to lie.”
No.
No, he shouldn’t.
But that wasn’t the only problem.
“So I think, rather than trying to keep that secret, you decided to walk away entirely. And I can’t blame you for that.”
Two secrets, actually.
There were two.
And they were enough to rip the twins apart.
“I don’t want to push him out, but I think it’s obvious at this point-“
Damon’s voice trails off, his expression twisting with frustration, confusion and regret.
“Damn it. I’m still in love with you, Red. It never stopped. Not once. There wasn’t a day that went by in the last ten years that I didn’t think of you.”
My breath is trapped in my lungs, the pain of knowing I can’t love him back slicing my organs like a hundred spinning razors.
I’m bleeding internally at this point, dizzy from the loss of blood, my mind barely able to grasp onto one thought long enough to express it.
Chewing the inside of my lip, I blink away tears I refuse to let fall. I lie to him while staring him straight in the eyes.
“It’s just friends with all of us, Damon. That’s the way it has to be. I’m not going to choose one of you while hurting the other.”
He lunges forward, not in a threatening way, but in desperation, his hands gripping down on the armrests as he cages me in.
All the wild energy this man struggles to contain swirls around me now like chaotic winds, my thoughts, my heart, my breath, my soul tangled up and dancing within it.
But that’s just how it is with him. You’re helpless but to become lost in the way he makes you feel, you’re left vulnerable and open and exposed.
To the woman who will one day be allowed to truly love this man, I feel a twinge of honest jealousy because it’s intoxicating to be caught up in his storm.