Violence (Antihero Inferno #3) - Lily White Page 0,113
know what.
Dropping down onto the mattress, I scrub a hand down my face and stare up at the ceiling.
I don’t feel proud about what I did. Don’t feel good about it. If anything, I hate myself for it. While I’d like to blame the whiskey on most of that decision, I know the truth is I’m bitter as hell.
Maybe Emily is right to call me ugly on the inside. I’m certainly scarred, all my edges jagged and sharp, all my memories bloody.
The fucking ceiling has a small stain on it. The only reason I know that is because I stared up at it all night, a million thoughts crashing through my head about this situation with Emily, with William, with the damn servers Tanner and Gabe are chasing down, but mostly anger for what I was doing.
I knew it was only a matter of time before Damon walked in on us, and I was debating all damn night about whether I should leave things the way I’d intended or pick Emily up and carry her back to Ivy’s room.
It’s not that I wanted to betray her. And it’s not that I wanted to hurt my brother. It’s just that I saw no other way out of the mess I created. I started this crap, and I needed to end it. But I’m not as manipulative as Tanner, or as eloquent as some of the other guys.
My first instinct with any problem is to tear it down with brute strength and not give the first fuck about the mess left in my wake. Messes are other people’s problems to work out. I’m more the type to kill it with fire and then see what springs up from the ashes.
And fuck if I haven’t burned this situation to the ground.
My fists slam down on the mattress beside me before I press both my palms to my face.
I love that girl.
She’s embedded in me.
Every cell in my body infected by her since the night she first kissed my bruises.
But I’m an idiot when it comes to emotions. A novice at anything that doesn’t require pounding fists or a well-placed kick.
I hear the door open and pull my hands away to watch Gabriel stalk in the room looking just about as beat to shit as me.
He drops his weight down beside me, both of us feeling like crap.
“There’s a stain on the ceiling,” he mumbles, the ragged sound of his voice making me laugh.
“Yeah, it’s been bothering me all night.”
Silence passes between us for several minutes before he shifts position to fold an arm behind his head.
“I hear there’s a problem.”
That doesn’t help me at all. There are several problems, and most of them my fault.
“Such as?”
“Emily.” He rolls his head to glance at me. “At least, that’s what Tanner told me last night. I assume Damon stomping through the living room loud enough to wake me up has something to do with that.”
Oh. Yeah. This problem is definitely my fault.
“I’m handling it-“
“Except that’s not true, and stop trying to lie about it. If anything, you’re making the situation worse.”
I glance back at him. “How do you know that?”
He grins.
“Because last night Emily was actually being civil with me, and this morning she told me to get fucked on her way out the door chasing after your brother.”
That pretty much proves I was right that her temper is at full volume. Sadly, it only makes me smile. I love her even more when she’s mad.
“Why did she say that?”
“Not sure. It probably had something to do with me asking if she was chasing after him to bone because you’re not readily available.”
“Jesus, Gabe. This is not the morning to be fucking with her.”
“Why not?” Another glance and I know the asshole just cornered me by making me admit it.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I think it does,” he croons.
“I mean it. Just leave this alone.”
Silence and then, “Would that I could do as my lady asks-oomph.”
Gabe balls over himself after my fist slams down on his stomach. “Fuck.”
“I’m not a lady. And I’m also not in the mood for your sarcastic shit this morning.”
“Asshole,” he groans as he slowly straightens out again. “Hitting me is not going to end this conversation.”
“Why the fuck not?”
Frustration is riding my spine at the moment, and Gabe is not making it easier by wanting to talk about my feelings.
I don’t talk. It’s not my thing. He and Tanner love to just chat shit up, but I’m the silent one.