But dressing myself was a struggle. My hands trembled, my body clamoring for Carden. I fumbled with my bootlaces, and it took forever to get them tied. My head felt ready to split in two, my headache a steady pulse in my skull, pounding out my need for him. “I’m going for breakfast.”
Mei studied me. “You’re not going to shower.”
I couldn’t tell if it was a statement or a question. I scraped my hands through my hair, willing the throbbing to subside. “No shower. I’ve got expeditionary-something class today. Sounds dirty.”
It was with Watcher Priti. She had the looks of a Bollywood star and the ferocity of a ninja—I loved Priti. I should’ve been looking forward to it.…I tried to look forward to it. “What do you have today?” I forced myself to recall Mei-Ling’s schedule. It was mostly independents—not much dirt for her, I bet.
“I’m supposed to have my independent study in Combat this morning, but…”
“But Watcher Angel is dead.” I pulled on my fleece—my teeth were chattering now. “Don’t know what to tell you.” I almost left it at that, but remembered I was supposed to be helping her. Besides, I was aching and feverish. There’d be no investigating anything without food in my belly. “Come with me to the dining hall—we’ll figure it out. I need to eat.”
I needed more than food—I needed Carden’s blood. I had to touch him. I was going to crawl out of my skin if I didn’t. But I couldn’t. So instead I’d get a shooter of refrigerated blood. Maybe sneak a second one. Anything to take the edge off.
I steeled myself, waiting with gritted teeth while Mei-Ling pulled on her uniform.
This wasn’t real. This was the bond ruling my body. He wasn’t my boyfriend. This wasn’t real attraction. It was a chemical reaction. I’d gotten hooked on a drug and was detoxing. My drug was Carden.
I almost knocked on Emma’s door as we passed it, but the silence on the other side told me to leave her alone. Maybe she was showering. Maybe she’d been up late and was sleeping in. Maybe she’d already left. I had no clue. I was psyched for her and her relationship with Yasuo, but it had also inserted the smallest, vaguest bit of distance between us.
It was just as well—Emma would see that something was wrong with me, and I didn’t have the energy to lie.
Mei-Ling and I were walking down the path toward the dining hall when I saw her. Masha. And she had two of her Guidon pals with her.
“Oh shhhh-sugar.” I didn’t even get the pleasure of a real curse—I dared not while I was outside and vampire ears could be listening.
I panted a few quick breaths. Focus. I needed focus.
“What is it?” Mei asked, her eyes uncharacteristically bright. The girl might’ve been quiet, but at least she had good instincts when it came to danger.
I didn’t have time to answer. We’d been spotted. “Acari Drew,” Masha purred. “Who’s your little friend?”
I sensed Mei standing tall next to me. Good.
“Mei-Ling Ho,” she announced in a clear voice.
Speaking openly to a Guidon. Bad.
Masha’s face lit as she glommed on to the name instantly. “Hohhh.” She walked a circle around her. “Ho, ho, ho. You having fun…ho?” Her friends snorted and snickered.
Oh crap…Here we go.
But Mei didn’t respond. It struck me that she must’ve heard that joke a million times growing up. Did she even register the taunts? Did she care? Either way, her nonresponse riled the older girls.
Masha stalked up from behind, one hand stroking the bullwhip she kept looped at her hip. She leaned close to Mei’s ear and said in a menacing whisper, “Would you like to play, little ho?”
A dump of adrenaline cleared my mind, and I reveled in it. I pushed away my hunger, but I could almost sense it in the back of my mind, like a Pandora’s box, waiting for me.
I shifted my weight, parting my legs into a more solid stance. It was a subtle move, not so much that the Guidons would notice, but just enough to brace myself. At five two, I didn’t have as much weight behind me as the other girls and I liked to take extra precautions.
I flexed my calf, feeling the leather boot pull. My stars were strapped in there. Finally, I’d found focus. Like a battle calm.
But wait. I glanced at Mei. Where was her weapon? This damned headache—I hadn’t been thinking properly. I’d been so preoccupied, I’d forgotten to ask what her weapon even was.
“She’s a ho,” one of the Guidons said with a snorty little laugh. She was rewarded by a bunch of snorty little laughs from her friends and so she added in a lower tone of voice, “Ho, ho, ho.”
What was this, sixth grade?
But then my roommate shocked me—shocked me more than I think I’ve ever been shocked.