Our relationship was complicated, to say the least.
Yasuo did something under the table that made Emma giggle, and I glared. They needed to be more careful. I lost Amanda—I wouldn’t lose her, too.
Emma saw my expression. Blanching, she scooted over, putting a little more space between her and Yas. He gave her a wink to make her feel better. It was a slow, owlish, and very affectionate little gesture.
I felt a stab of envy. Not that I resented my friends’ relationship. And I wasn’t jealous that Emma was with Yas in particular—I’d asked and answered that question myself when I’d first arrived on the island. He was cute and nice and one of my closest buddies, but that was where our relationship stopped.
No, it was more than that. I wished I could find a nice, normal guy to crush on—the place was crawling with new Trainees—but apparently it was only the bad boys, the dangerous, and the mysterious who gave me a quiver in my belly.
I frowned, spinning my empty cup around and around on the table. A red film covered the sides, tiny red ropes of vampire blood clinging to the glass. I craved the drink—couldn’t imagine life without it—and I’d downed it first thing.
Only now, the desire I felt for my cold shooters of blood seemed like child’s play compared to the aching need I knew for Carden.
I put my glass down, slamming it harder than I’d meant to.
Carden consumed my thoughts. Just the memory of his mouth—picturing the curve of it in my mind, remembering the feel of his breath hot on my cheek—gave me The Quiver.
I blamed the bond. My biggest problem at the moment was Carden.
But.
In the beginning, it’d been Ronan. Only Ronan.
I’d known loss in my life, but Ronan was still around. So why did a dull ache clench my chest at the thought of him?
I stared again at his name on the bottom of my course list. Independent Studies in Fitness. TTh 7:00 Tracer Ronan.
Today was M. Tomorrow T. I’d see him then. I hadn’t seen him much since returning from my mission off the island. In fact, I hadn’t really spent much time with him since I won the Directorate Challenge at the end of the first term.
But somehow I didn’t need to see him much to know he was out there somewhere, on my side. Or so I suspected.
Between sharing swim lessons and secrets, against all odds, Ronan and I had forged a sort of friendship. We’d grown as close as two people could when one had suckered the other onto a plane bound for a deadly vampire training ground. At the time, I didn’t know which had felt like more of a betrayal: that he’d brought me to this godforsaken place, or that he’d used his persuasive powers to do it.
But still, there was something about him that tugged at me. A recognition that he had a living, feeling heart in his chest—a heart that saw something good in me in return. It was nice to feel there were people around who perceived some decency inside me. Sometimes it was the only thing to remind me that I still had some humanity left.
Ronan and I had grown as close as a student and a teacher dared get. Not that he was so old and, well, teacherly. He couldn’t have been so much older than me. Early twenties, max, with that head of tousled, black, just-surfed-in-the-sea hair and a pair of haunting forest green eyes.
But those eyes weren’t what currently unnerved me. The problem was, Ronan really saw me. He really looked and always saw into the true me. Which meant, if anyone could sense this bond with Carden, it’d be Ronan.
Which was why TTh 7:00 Tracer Ronan was freaking me out.
It was impossible to think of Ronan without a tinge of panic. Of regret. The thing of it was, I got the sense that Ronan gave a damn. That he cared about me, and I’d never had a lot of people in my life care about me. If I were to be honest, I cared right back. I cared about him and I cared what he thought about me. That alone made me vulnerable to him. And that made him dangerous.
And, okay, I admit. Those killer green eyes were pretty dangerous, too.
“But I don’t get it. Seven o’clock until when?” Emma asked, calling me back from my thoughts. “Why didn’t they list an end time?”
I flopped back into my chair. “Because it never ends.”
“Check it out.” Yasuo fake-punched me on the arm. “Blondie made a joke.”
We laughed, and I savored the feel of it. This whole friend thing was new to me, and their acceptance was powerful. Enough so that I felt it as a physical sensation, like a warm balm.
I was still riding that high when my eyes caught on my new roomie.
I flagged her over, and my friends gave me appropriately shocked looks. “Yo, Miss Congeniality,” Yasuo mumbled to me. “Who put a nickel in you?”
“New roommate?” Emma guessed.