to make sure you have an assignmentbefore you drop off your next passenger. Shit, no wonder you're not making any money."
"You will help me?"
"No, I won't. You gotta learn to do this for yourself. Look, youcan do this. It's simple, really, but you have to be able to bid on the run if you're ever gonna make money. Just take it easy. Pull over to the side of the road if you have to, to copy the call. Or tell the dispatcher you'll hit your HiQ when you're ready to copy. Okay?"
I shook my head. "Very well, Kern."
"Be ready," Kern said, after we had loaded the next call. "Listen carefully. The dispatcher's about to call the board."
"West near the U Hospital, west on the lakeshore, Breeze and Hoyt, Randall and Spring, Lake and Dayton, Lake and Langdon, top of Wisconsin, Crystal Corners, Friendly Corners."
"Do it," Kern said.
I pressed the bid button, lifted the microphone from its cradle and watched for the nearest intersection.
"Seventy-five," the dispatcher said.
"Charter and John to one-hundred West Gilman." 121 W. Gilman actually, but Kern had said to just say what hundred block if I was unable to recite the exact intersection.
"Seventy-five, get the Edgewater."
"The Edgewater. Ten-four."
"See, wasn't that easy?" Kern laughed loudly.
"Yes. Quite easy."
"And now you can proceed immediately to your next call, getting maximum efficiency out of your time. You see, you're going to Carroll and Gilman, and the call was at Langdon andWisconsin . That's only two blocks away. Of course, if you're downtown and there's calls downtown, you should always bid, even if you're not sure which call you might be up for. And sometimes, it'll be real busy, and you should just bid as soon as you load, even before you hear the dispatcher call off the board because, if you know there's tons of calls and they're everywhere, you know the dispatcher's going to need you to run some call, so just bid, and you'll get a call. That's what's called 'bidding blind.'"
"I was wrong to have ever doubted you, Kern."
"You're right about that, Count. So, do you know where the Edgewater is, even though I just told you?"
"I am not certain."
"No problema. Just look it up after you drop off your current passenger."
****
"Seventy-five, where now?"
"Randall and John," I replied.
"The call's at five-eleven West John," the dispatcher said. "Eighty, where now?"
"Pick it up," Kern said.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Do you know where five-eleven West Johnson is?"
"Yes. It is right before Bassett, is it not?"
"Then, pedal to the metal, dammit. You're in a race. Christ, you drive like my grandmother."
"Did you not tell me to drive safely?"
"I did, but you gotta pick it up a bit. You can drive alittle faster than the speed limit. Hell, cops won't pull you over if you're within ten. Lotta timesMadison cops give us cabbies the benefit of the doubt. Floor it."
"Seventy-five, where now?"
"Park and Johnson."
"Eighty, where now?"
"Goddammit!" Kern spat. The traffic light at the next intersection was red, but would turn green momentarily, having turned yellow the other way, but then a Co-op cab made a left turn onto Johnson, the number eighty visible on the side of the cab. Kern loudly slapped his hands against his thighs. "Dammit, Count, don't you have any killer instinct at all?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"You're in a race, dammit. My grandmother would've beaten you, and she's eighty fucking years old."
"Again, as I told you, I am merely trying to drive carefully."
Kern slapped himself in the side of his head. "You can drive fastand carefully. Look, you're in competition out here. When the dispatcher calls a race, you've got to pick up the pace a bit. You've got to say, 'this is my call and ain't no one gonna take it from me.'"
"But is this not a cooperative? We are not out to slit each other's throats, are we? Or are we?"
"Usually, no. We try to keep racing to a minimum. As opposed to Capitol Cab where they race for nearly every call. A few years ago, two Cap Cabs were racing for a call, and they collided onWestWash. The cops who showed up couldn't stop laughing."
"So, that means we are a cooperative most of the time, but not all the time?"
"No, I didn't say that. Like I said, we try to keep racing to a minimum, but sometimes, it's just a dead heat. The dispatcher will keep checking with the drivers until someone has a clear advantage. If no one does, they call a race. Just remember, any time you're