Pulling the lever forward caused the mirror to tilt upward, giving me a view of the cab's ceiling, yet the back window was visible.
"Anti-glare position," Kern said.
"Ah, excellent," I replied, shifting into gear and feeling the car drift forward. I turned right, coasted toward Fish Hatchery and when there was absolutely no traffic coming from either direction, gingerly pressed the accelerator. The vehicle responded, but not with the aplomb of my beloved Bentley and certainly not anything like my last Jaguar. It struck me as inconceivable that anyone could lose control of one of these relatively tame creatures.
"Martin's coming up on our right in about a half mile," Kern said, "right before the Starvin' Marvin's. That's a convenience store, locally owned by the Marvin family. They make great sandwiches, a nice thing to know if you get hungry."
The brightly lit convenience store glowed in the distance, but it seemed unlikely I would buy sandwiches there. At the appropriate street sign, I flipped the right directional indicator, slowed, braked and made the turn. Kern nodded his head after each small action.
"Here's the fun part," Kern said. "Finding an address on a dark street. How's your night vision?"
"Not bad," I said, proud to have drifted into the vernacular and doubly proud when I found the address with greater ease than Kern would have expected. He grunted, then grudgingly complimented me as we watched, only to see no one emerge from the apartment building.
"The fine art of loading calls, part three. If it's daytime and you pull up in front of a house, if you don't see somebody coming out right away, you might blow your horn. You can do that at a small apartment building, too. But we don't honk after dark. So, we hit the HiQ button, and when the dispatcher answers, we ask for a phone call. Also, it's a good idea to say the address to double-check that you're at the right place."
I reached for the HiQ button, but Kern stopped me.
"Wait at least a minute before asking for the phone call. If the person comes out right after you ask for the phone call, make sure you tell the dispatcher."
"Another HiQ?"
"No, just break right in."
A minute passed, and I requested the phone call. The passenger emerged shortly thereafter. His destination wasBaird Street . I reached for the street directory, but Kern stopped me.
"I'll show you the way," he said. "For now, I just want to see you drive."
This was just as well. Kern's labyrinthine path toward the destination was far from readily apparent on the map, a classic demonstration that part of what makesMadison a complicated place to drive is the dearth of streets meeting at right angles.
"That will be two dollars and fifty cents," I said at the end of the ride. The passenger tried to hand me some bills, but Kern intercepted them.
"We're training," Kern said. "I'm the bag man."
The man smiled. "Keep the change, but make sure he gets the tip."
"No problem," Kern said. After the passenger left, my trainer pointed at the street sign that stood before us. "I want you to look up this street in your street directory."
Kern wore a knowing smile when I turned to him, perplexed after finding the street in the directory. "I don't know any of these streets that are used as points of reference."
"I didn't think you would. The street directory is useful because it's quicker than reading your map, but it doesn't do you any good if you don't know the referenced streets. The map gives you a clearer picture, but it's cumbersome and doesn't really tell you the best routes. What might look like a real good shortcut may not be."
"May I assume that there is no replacement for knowing the city like the proverbial back of one's hand."
Kern nodded. "Feel free to ask your passengers for help if you don't know where something is. Generally, they'll be perfectly happy to give you directions. Hell, it's in their best interest. If someone's gonna be a jerk about it, fuck 'em. To keep from looking like too much of a moron, you can say something like, 'do you have a favorite route?' That usually works pretty well. But also, play up that you're new. That works pretty well for sympathy tips. Besides, no matter how well you know the city, always remember that you do have to go the way the passenger wants. After all, the customer is always right."