will kill me as surely as anything, but once the sun passes its apex in the sky, its power seems to weaken, allowing me to be exposed to its rays.
Thus, I did not despair when they told me that I would have to apply in person between nine and five. Dark glasses, a wide-brimmed fedora and my black leather jacket with the collar turned upward provided ample protection from the waning sun, which, of course, it being late November, hung very low in the sky, even by mid-afternoon.
When I was ushered upstairs to see the operations manager, a nervous, skinny little fellow named Kevin, I was confident of my prospects. Fully prepared, I handed Kevin myNew York driver's license and a copy of my driving record, which the State ofNew York had kindly faxed that afternoon. The operations manager inspected the materials and, with a nod of the head, ushered me into a large room dominated by a mammoth, Arthurian round table. He handed me an application and a test to measure geographic proclivity. I smiled broadly at Kevin. Anticipating such a test, I had studied a map of the city.
Then, the struggle began, first, with the employment application. Education? Well, I did receive that degree fromOxford . Otherwise, I am self-taught. It is quite astonishing what one can learn in a thousand years.
Employment history? How does one explain being independently wealthy for the last 300 years?
Eventually, I decided against mentioning the degree fromOxford , instead merely recording the name of a private school for boys inGermany I know of. As for employment history, I cited my position as president of Farkus Imports for the last fifteen years and stretched the truth by stating that I had taken over the family business. Actually, I had started the business myself, utilizing rare and unusual objects collected over the centuries, a practice many vampires have done (and we are a family of sorts).
The geographic test presented greater problems. First, being an eight-and-one-half by eleven-inch photocopy of aMadison map, it proved quite difficult to read. Second, the street names were missing.
The test covered two pages. On one page, I was required to identify main thoroughfares. My geographic study, along with a superior memory, made this task relatively easy. For instance,Mineral Point Road starts where that sprawling cemetery ends.Randall Street ends at the zoo. Only a cretin would not recognizeUniversity Avenue , especially with those two immense churches.
Part two, however, presented more difficulty, requiring identification of certain landmarks, such as West Towne Mall, South Towne Mall, the State Capitol and various public schools. Without sufficient frames of reference, I had to simply guess.
When the test was complete, I found Kevin at his desk, or what I assumed was a desk; it was difficult to tell, for the object he sat behind was covered by mounds of paper. The operations manager glanced at the application, then the geographical test. His response was most shocking indeed.
"Sorry, Al," he said. "Looks like you didn't quite pass the map test. Sure came damn close."
That ridiculous test would prevent me from being employed while that lout who had picked me up at the airport was able to insult his passengers with impunity? "Ialmost passed?" Incredulous, I simply knew not what else to say.
"Yeah." Kevin picked up the application and studied it further. "I see you just moved here. You did pretty well, considering. Three more right answers and you would've passed. Hell, that's better than some students I've seen who've lived here the better part of four years, who come here looking for jobs 'cuz they got their degree, but don't know what to do with themselves, what with the job market for bachelor degrees gone and taken a shit. Yeah, they walk in here, barely get half the answers on the map test and wonder why we don't wanna hire 'em. But what are we supposed to do when the only streets they know are Langdon and State? Hell, there's more toMadison than frat parties and campus bars."
"In my life, I have lived in many places and have learned how to master a city's geography in a short period of time. It is merely survival."
Kevin leaned back in his chair. "Hey, just spend some time checking the city out. Come back in a week. You're allowed to take the test again. If you want to."
I smiled broadly at the operations manager. "I will do just that. I am grateful for the opportunity. This is really where I want