eagerly, wiping her hands on her skirt. “Butter. Real cheese! Oh, smell that, Jude.” She thrust a chunk of ripe cheese under Judah’s nose. “Whatever you’re doing, keep doing it. I love that weird little man, I really do.”
“The Seneschal makes him come,” Judah said.
“Who cares?” Elly said cheerfully. She pulled a paper sack out of the parcel, peered inside and sighed with pleasure. “Chocolate. Ask him if he can get more gas flasks for my quickstove.”
They ate the squash roasted, with rice and wild onions. Thanks to the magus’s butter, it tasted better than usual, but if Judah never saw another squash again, it would be too soon. No matter how much Elly scrubbed them, Judah could never entirely get the sight or smell of the midden yard out of her mind. When they were done, Elly took the scraps and pulp and seeds and added them to a pot she kept on the stove, full of a bland dirty-orange stock. She used it for cooking rice, or oatmeal, or whatever she had; once she’d said that if they had nothing else, they could always drink it. It had been a joke, but if the Seneschal ever stopped bringing supplies, Judah knew they’d end up there eventually.
Afterward Gavin offered to help Elly with the sheep. While they were gone, Judah sat with a book, but the oil the Seneschal brought them was cheap and gave off a wan, blurry light that was hard to read by. The book was a history of some province she’d never heard of; it was old and dull. All of the books left in the library were old. Sometimes the pages fell out at the gentlest touch, because the glue was so desiccated. She wondered if anyone was writing new books anymore. She wondered how long it had been since anyone had.
A frantic scratching started on Judah’s wrist. Need you. Find me. He was digging deep. It burned. A few moments later, Elly came back in alone. She hung up the shawl she’d worn, which was too delicate for the weather, and said, “I wish the coup had happened before shearing time. We could really use the wool. Can’t shear now. They’ll need their fleece to get through the winter.” She sat down and began to unlace her boots.
Now? Please?
“What happened?” Judah said, and Elly said, “Why do you think anything happened?”
Wordlessly, Judah pulled up her sleeve and showed Elly the angry red scratches. “Oh.” Elly seemed to deflate, her spine bending and her shoulders sinking. “Well.”
Need you.
Judah sighed. He’d drawn blood, she could feel it. She stood up.
“Don’t go,” Elly said suddenly. “Let him deal with it himself.”
“I’ll be back soon,” Judah said.
She could feel him pulling on her, drawing her to him. He was in Elban’s study; of course he was. The room hadn’t changed. Nothing had been taken during the coup. A fire crackled in the fireplace, and Gavin dug at the logs with a poker. The same poker she’d been burned with, probably. Relief flooded his face when he saw her. “Finally,” he said. He stood up and reached for her hands.
She put them behind her. “How are you, Judah? Anything new in your life, Judah?”
“I know how you are.” His voice was lifeless. “I know everything you feel. There’s nothing new in any of our lives, and there never will be. Unless something’s happened with your scrawny little magus.” She thought he meant the words to come out teasing, but instead they were nasty and cold. “Which would mean he’s not very good at it, because I never felt a damn thing. He’ll have to work harder than that to compete with your stableman.”
Hearing him mention Darid in such a crude way made her anger flare. “Keep being unpleasant and I’ll fill your head with fire instead of water,” she snapped.
For an instant his face was ugly and belligerent. Then he winced, and collapsed onto the sofa. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “I shouldn’t have said that. I should never say anything again.”
Warily, she sat down next to him. “Why? What else have you said?”
“I asked Elly tonight if she still loved me. She said she didn’t know. That she thought she had, all those years, but maybe she’d just been relieved that I wasn’t awful.” He looked miserable. “I lost my temper. Asked her if that was all it took to get her into a man’s bed. Him not being awful.”