Until the World Stops - L.A. Witt Page 0,75

cards, Casey. I’m completely dependent on you. Especially now.” I paused, and with some effort, made myself look at him again. The pain and confusion in his eyes made me want to take it all back, but I quietly said, “If you wanted to, you could send me packing and leave me with nothing, and I—”

“And you think I’d do that if you didn’t want to fuck?” He sounded more hurt than anything. “You’re not… Christ, you’re not my sex slave.” Absently tugging the covers up between us, he added, “I’m not going to—Do you really think I would?”

“No,” I said. “But this is making some lines get blurry. And it’s… I know my timing is terrible, but I can’t do it.”

“Okay,” he whispered. “Then we won’t.”

“We… Really?”

“Of course. I’m not going to force you.”

Well, shit. Now I felt even worse. I’d known he wouldn’t force me. I just couldn’t shake the feeling of being obligated.

And suddenly I needed to be away from him. Ideally before the cracks started to show and I saw how much this was hurting him, because this had to be hurting him, and I was too much of a fucking coward to be here for it.

“I’m, uh…” I gestured at the door. “I’m going to crash in my room.”

Without looking at me, without trying to stop me, Casey nodded. I avoided his gaze because I didn’t want to know if his eyes were welling up. With the emotional roller coaster he’d been on tonight, he had to be hanging by a thread, and now I felt a million times worse about not going through with this.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered again.

“I know.” His voice was flat, offering nothing, and when I stole a glance at him, he wasn’t looking at me.

If I stayed another second, I’d try to talk myself back into this, and either he’d reject me or my body would refuse to go through with it, and we’d be back to this.

So I left.

It felt a little like a walk of shame, and even though it was the shortest walk of shame I’d ever done, it felt like the longest by a mile.

At the other end of the hall, I closed my bedroom door with a quiet click, leaned against it, and sighed.

Damn it. I didn’t want to be in here. I wanted to be in Casey’s bed. I wanted to be with him, and I wanted this thing we’d been doing to be real instead of something two guys did when the fucking world was on fire.

I knew walking away was the right thing to do.

I was…pretty sure it was the right thing to do.

So why did it feel so wrong?

Chapter 21

Casey

For the longest time, I listened to the silence in case Tristan came back down the hall and told me he’d changed his mind. I knew he wouldn’t, but that didn’t stop me from hoping. At least it gave me something to focus on besides everything I wanted to forget.

Had I fucked up? I hadn’t really been thinking much at all when I’d suggested coming up here. All I’d thought in the moment was that getting pounded into oblivion would feel better than letting all the fear and helplessness crash over me. Did that mean I’d been using him? Without even realizing it?

I closed my eyes and wiped a hand over my face. It had never even occurred to me that he might feel like he didn’t have a choice when it came to sleeping together. Especially since it had been his idea in the first place, and I’d… Fuck. I should have thought about it. I should have known this could complicate things. How had it not even crossed my mind that with him being so dependent on me…

I exhaled. It didn’t matter now. It hadn’t crossed my mind, and now Tristan was in the other room, and I was alone. I hadn’t thought I could feel worse than I had when I’d gotten off the phone with my parents, but yeah, surprise, I could. And I did.

Without his skin against mine, I was getting cold, so I slipped under the covers. That didn’t help much, but whatever. I didn’t imagine much would. In fact, it was probably just as well we hadn’t finished—I was so drained and wrung out, I couldn’t imagine myself performing. Not coming, anyway. Lying there while Tristan drilled me? Oh yeah, I’d have been fine for that, and thinking about it almost made my toes curl,