Until Then (Cape Harbor #2) - Heidi McLaughlin Page 0,127

you, being here, but I can never say no to you. As stupid as this sounds, I know I could take you back to my house, and we’d have sex because that is what we’ve been used to. Don’t get me wrong; the sex is great—but it doesn’t tell me the kind of person you are. I want to know who you are now. I don’t want to rely on memories. And as much as I love you, we’re not on the same path. The list of qualities you want in a partner—they’re not me. I’m never going to be financially stable; hell, I’ll probably die behind the bar. Sometimes I think I want a wife and a kid or two, and that’s not the life you want, and I’m okay with that because you’d be enough in my life.

“What we had when we were younger—it was great. The best time of my life. But if Grady’s rehab has taught me anything, it’s taught me that I can’t live in the past, and that is what I see when we’re together.” She had heard all this before, but he figured he’d repeat it, maybe help her accept she wasn’t ready for a relationship, at least not the kind he wanted to have.

Rennie pulled Graham’s arms tightly around her. They sat there for hours, watching the surf until the sun went down. When she finally moved, she got on her knees and placed her hands on Graham’s cheeks. “I love you, Graham Cracker. Don’t ever forget it.” She kissed him, stood, gathered her things, and walked away.

THIRTY-ONE

“I have never, in my life, been to a dry party.” Rennie sat in the sand while putting bottles of water, cans of pop, and juice boxes into a cooler.

“It’ll be good for you,” Brooklyn replied. “You can cleanse like the rest of us.”

That was what everyone vowed to do: cleanse. According to Brooklyn, Graham had approached the group of friends and asked if they’d be willing to forgo drinking for a bit, at least in front of Grady, to help in his sobriety. And when Rennie called Brooklyn to tell her she was coming up for the weekend, Brooklyn filled her in on everything that had happened in the last month.

After Rennie left Graham on the beach, she returned to Seattle, spent two days passing her cases off to other lawyers, and put in for some time off, and then she went south to Malibu. Much to her surprise, the shack she had rented back in college was still there, although updated—but still not worth the money to rent it for a month.

Each morning, she woke and took a run on the beach. After she showered, she strolled along the main road, browsing through the shops. She would take whatever book she planned to read that day with her and find a bench to sit on and read or return to her one-room shack and lie in the sun. She kept her phone off and made sure to leave her laptop back in Washington. The only people who knew where she was were her parents and Brooklyn. None of whom would divulge her whereabouts.

Rennie also wrote in a journal. Each day, she’d put her thoughts down, hoping to cure whatever ailed her. She wrote angry letters to Theo, tore them up, and wrote them again. Each one was the same, asking him why he chose her over everyone else? At times, she felt sorry for him, his wife, and herself. He was, at least to her, the worst kind of human.

She also wrote to Graham. She put her feelings down on paper and recounted their love story. Rennie mailed this letter and prayed that when she returned from her trip, they would talk.

Dear Graham Cracker,

It’s funny, as I write the nickname I gave you, I wonder if you ever truly appreciated it or understood where it came from. You see, before I met you, s’mores were my favorite snack. During the winter, I used to make my mom turn on the gas burner so that I could roast a marshmallow to perfection. I loved the ooey-gooey goodness.

Then, I met you, and you became my treat. Even at sixteen, you’re the one I craved. You were the only one I needed. I always waited for you to ask me to be your girlfriend. I know, I know, I told you many times that we were just friends or having fun, but it was because I