Until I Find You - Rea Frey Page 0,63

of putting this stranger baby to bed again in my son’s crib and pretending it’s all going to be okay in the morning. I’ve been running so hard for so long, but grief has found me. I’m caught.

Yes. The word burns at the back of my throat, but instead, I resist. I can’t keep taking Jess away from her husband and child. “Thanks, but I’ll be fine.”

Jess sighs so loudly, the baby rouses. “What is it going to take?”

“For what?”

“For you to realize that help isn’t a bad thing, Rebecca. You have people who care about you, but you push us all away. And now look what’s happened. You want to be alone? Fine. Be alone.” She huffs off, leaving me speechless. Jessica has never talked to me like that. Her words sting, partly because they’re true. But she isn’t me. It’s so easy for her to say those things when she’s surrounded by money, family, friends, her husband, her son.

After a few uncomfortable minutes, I wander to where Rob stands in the corner, in a heated debate with Jess. “Am I allowed to get some air?”

“Sure.” He claps a hand on my shoulder. I step out of his grip, extend my cane, and head outside. I don’t know what time it is. Eleven? Midnight?

Thirty-six hours missing.

I pace out front, a few people smoking cigarettes. I sidestep the stench, rake my fingers to clear the air, and walk in the same small grid on the sidewalk.

“Rebecca?” Officer Toby finally steps outside.

“What?”

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting,” he says. “Listen, we’ve reviewed everything. Taken statements from your friends. We’ve accessed Jackson’s footprint scan, but without a comparison I’m … I don’t know how to say this, Rebecca, but I’m afraid we just can’t issue the Amber Alert. We don’t have enough evidence to build a case, and your friends…”

“My friends what?” I brace myself for the truth, the words I know but haven’t said out loud. The words that will force me into a different path of action.

“They all believe you’re mistaken.” He says it as nicely as he can, I’ll give him that.

“So what does that mean?”

“I just think we need to make sure you’re thinking clearly—that you remember what actually happened. We’re happy to get Social Services to take the baby for a few days, if need be.”

I take a step back and clamp a hand over his back. “Social Services will not touch this baby.”

“I’m not saying they will. It’s just an option.”

“That’s not an option for me.” I pace back and forth, then stop. “What now?”

“Jake is coming in. We’d like to interview you one more time, if that’s alright. Then you can go for the night.”

I nod and he heads back inside. A few minutes later, the women exit in a tangled, vibrating cluster of dramatic conversation. When they see me, their excited chatter ends. “Get some rest, Rebecca.” Someone’s voice I don’t recognize says good night. I stand there, dumbstruck. My whole world has imploded while they get to go home to their friends, families, and overpriced houses.

I stand on the sidewalk for what feels like hours. I don’t want to go inside. I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to go anywhere.

“Bec.” Jake’s arms climb around me before I can take a breath. “You okay?” He kisses the top of my head.

I reluctantly extricate myself from his arms and fill him in on what’s happening. “Did you get the surveillance tapes?”

“Passed them to Toby a few hours ago. No clear shot of the park. Nothing suspicious or out of place. I’m sorry, Bec.”

No evidence, no Amber Alert, no Jackson.

“Let’s get this over with then,” I say. We head back inside. I’m already drafting a new plan, one that has nothing to do with the police. It’s not up to them anymore. It’s up to me what happens next.

28

BEC

After Officer Toby asks me a set of ridiculous questions and explains that after talking to the chief, they do want me to leave the baby for the night, I storm outside for the second time. Jake eventually joins me. “I’m not leaving this baby here.” I say it softly, but my intent is clear. “Not until we know who he is.” I hesitate. “He trusts me. He does.”

Jake scratches his neck. “Let me see what I can do, okay?”

I nod, those words let me see what I can do losing steam every passing second. The closer he gets, the further away Jackson’s return seems.