on someone else’s doorstep or putting him up for adoption—though I couldn’t legally do that—but then I’d hear Paul’s voice in my head … and I figured I just needed a little time to try and find Evelyn and get her the help she needed. So I hired Pam in the interim, who’s sweet but clueless. She did what she was told.”
“I still don’t understand how you kept Savi and Pam from telling anyone you had a baby. Elmhurst talks.”
She sighs. “They do, but not when you’re invisible. Look, I’m not proud of it, but I told Savi we could get in real trouble if she uttered a word to anyone. I told her to just let me find Evelyn first, and then we’d figure it out.
“But Evelyn literally disappeared. I even hired someone to find her, but she didn’t want to be found. I didn’t know what to do. To make matters worse, anytime I stepped foot around Oliver, he cried. I thought it was my punishment.”
“Punishment for what?”
“For being a self-absorbed wife. For not appreciating Paul when I had the chance. For making him choose between blood and us. And now this. I seem to sabotage anything good in my life. I never meant to hurt you, Rebecca. I swear.”
My heart aches. “But you did. You did hurt me.”
“I know.”
I don’t want her sob story or her apology, but I let her continue. She tells me that in her eyes, Oliver represents Evelyn. Evelyn represents Paul. Paul represents death.
“Paul was too loyal for his own good,” she explains. “It was his loyalty that killed him.” Her voice breaks.
I fish the pacifier from my pocket, freshly cleaned, and pop it into Jackson’s mouth. I rock him as she talks—as though we are two friends spilling our guts and not two women facing off in a precinct.
“Why didn’t you just get some help?” I ask.
She laughs again, a cold, hollow sound spilling from her lips. “I was a mess. Paul had just died. I couldn’t even bring myself to unpack the boxes. I was drowning in debt. We’d just moved, I was trying to build my business, and then this baby appears…”
Silence fills the gaps.
“Oliver.” Her voice hardens around his name. “It’s not the baby’s fault, of course, but I just couldn’t believe that this child I wasn’t related to was alive while the husband and father we needed in our lives was gone.” She drops her head into her hands. “And I kept going over it and over it in my head. If I’d just stopped him from leaving in the middle of the night, maybe he would have stayed. Or left later and missed that drunk driver altogether.”
Despite my anger, a familiar longing spreads through my gut. I know that what if game all too well.
“I just wasn’t ready to be a single mother of two children and a widow. I couldn’t handle it. I wanted to pretend none of it was happening. That’s why Pam was a lifesaver. She took care of the baby while I searched for Evelyn and tried to figure out what to do next.”
“Did you know Evelyn was dead?”
“I didn’t.” Her voice drops. “They just told me.”
“So you just hired Pam and then what? Decided Jackson was a better baby and the poor blind woman wouldn’t notice?” My rage bucks and revs again. “How dare you? How dare you take advantage of me like that?”
“I didn’t take advantage of you.” Crystal’s voice is firm. “That’s not what happened.”
“I’m sure you saw the similarities between them, right? They must look alike. You began hanging around. You even made the comment that you’ve never heard him cry. I get it. Colic sucks. But here’s what I don’t get. When did you do it?”
That’s the piece that nags me. That’s the piece I can’t figure out. Jake has interviewed the women at the park. If Crystal had walked up with a baby, someone would have noticed. Someone would have recognized her. I mull over the possibilities as Crystal lets me work it out for myself.
Jackson gives a sharp kick to my belly, and I gasp. My eyes search hers, a cloudy halo of frosty hair and white-hot skin.
“It wasn’t you,” I finally say.
Her silence confirms the truth.
I sit back, knowing exactly what that means.
48
CRYSTAL
Crystal searches the recognition in Rebecca’s face. She can’t tell her the truth—can’t admit it here, with these men scrutinizing her behind protected glass—but Rebecca is smart enough to figure it out. She