Until I Find You - Rea Frey Page 0,101

so hard, I’m afraid I’ll collapse from a heart attack before I can get to the police station. I call Officer Toby, who answers on the first ring.

“I’ve got Jackson!” I scream. “He was at Crystal Turner’s house. I took pictures. I found a nursery upstairs.” I recite the address from memory. Officer Toby tells me to go to a neighbor’s and stay put. In the back of my mind, I wonder if Crystal will come after me. I realize I have no idea what she’s capable of.

I sink to the ground on the sidewalk and hold my baby against my chest. I thank God he’s back in my arms. It’s all I’ve wanted over these last few hellish days. I inspect every inch of him and make sure he’s okay. Holding him makes me worry for Oliver. Who is Oliver? Why was Jackson in Crystal’s house? I sit in the dewy grass and wait for the police. I send an audio message to Jake and repeatedly kiss and rock Jackson on a stranger’s lawn. As I wait, I forget the questions.

Now I want answers. And I will do anything to get them.

45

CRYSTAL

Panic.

Crystal’s entire life flashes before her eyes. Her in jail. Her without her daughter, without anything. She can’t shake the image of getting handcuffed and being hauled away.

She looks at Savi, who appears as scared as she feels. “We’ve got to go.” She softens her tone. The last thing she wants to do is scare her daughter further.

They hurry into the car and head to the police station. Crystal drives cautiously, searching for flashing blue lights at every turn. The way Bec had screamed at her, accusing her. She’d never forget that look. Everything she’d gained—all gone in a second.

She replays these last few months. How had they gotten so away from her? So many lies. So many half-truths. Her hands freeze on the wheel at the stoplight before the turnoff. She could go to the station and face the truth, or she could step on the gas and hide. Go somewhere else. Really start over. Leave Paul, Oliver, Pam, and every other sordid lie behind. The light turns green. Her foot itches to stamp the pedal and peel out toward the highway.

She glimpses Savi’s reflection in the rearview: terrified, chewing her bottom lip, eyes large and glassy. No. She can’t put her daughter in any sort of danger. She’s put her through enough.

She takes a clotted breath and turns into the parking lot. She didn’t think she could ever feel worse than after Paul died, but here it is. Betraying Rebecca, hiding such a big part of her life from everyone … But she has her reasons.

Once she’s parked, she calls Pam, but gets her voice mail. Pam is the only other person in the world who knows some version of the truth. Not all, but enough.

“What’s going to happen?”

Savi’s voice shuttles her back to the present.

“I don’t know yet.” She’s done lying to her daughter. She’s done lying, period.

“Where are we?” Savi eyes the tidy row of cop cars in front of the brick building.

In their hurry to get out the door, she didn’t even explain where they were going. “Mommy just has to answer some questions about Oliver.”

“What about Jackson?”

“He’s with Rebecca. Where he belongs.”

Savi stares at her lap. “Will we ever see her again?”

Crystal shakes her head. “I’m not sure.” She twists to face Savi. “It’s all going to be fine though. I promise.” Even as she says the words, bullets of panic ricochet through her gut. Is everything going to be fine? She unbuckles her seat belt.

They approach the doors just as Pam exits, giant movie star sunglasses perched over her startling doe eyes. Her signature red lips are wiped bare, and she looks washed out except for the spray of freckles across her face.

“Pam?” Crystal is confused. Why is she here?

“Hi,” she says. She looks uncertainly between the two of them.

“What happened?” Crystal asks.

“They questioned me about Oliver,” she says. “I’ve been instructed not to talk to you.” She places a hand on Savi’s shoulder. “Take care of yourself, Savi.” Pam shoots a perplexed look at Crystal before heading to her car. She watches the young, naïve girl walk away from their family, perhaps for the last time.

A million thoughts fight for space in Crystal’s brain. What did Pam say? How much trouble are they in? Crystal buries the fear and straightens her shoulders. “Come on,” she says, more bravely than she