Until Harry - L.A. Casey Page 0,31

open Anna’s front door and ran out of her garden, down the pathway and all the way home. I didn’t stop until I got into my house and up into my bathroom, where I retched and vomited up the entire contents of my stomach.

I only stopped throwing up when I was dry heaving and nothing else came up. I wiped my mouth with some tissue, which I then flushed down the toilet. I moved over to the sink and washed my hands. I cupped my hands together and gathered water, then splashed it on my face. I quickly brushed my teeth and gargled some mouthwash to get the foul taste of vomit out of my mouth.

When I was finished, I dried my hands and face off with a hand towel. I caught my reflection in the mirror and stared at myself. My stomach churned once more as I spotted each and every flaw. Anytime Anna and I had argued over the years, she repeated the same horrible things to me. I couldn’t help but see what she had always pointed out. My nerdy glasses, my metal braces, my acne, my slight double chin. I looked down at my flat chest, then to my chubby belly and back up to my face.

Anna and Ally were right: I was an ugly cow.

Disgusted with myself, I exited the bathroom and ran for my bedroom, but instead of making a clean escape, I ran head first into my father’s chest as he emerged from his office.

“Hello, love,” he beamed. “You’re home from Anna’s house early. How was studying?”

I didn’t answer, so my dad looked away from the calculator in his hands and down to my face. When he saw my tear-stained cheeks and red-rimmed eyes, he dropped his calculator to the floor and kneeled before me, placing his hands on my shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his tone laced with worry.

I looked down to his calculator and blew out a breath of relief once I saw the protective cover on it. My father would have been so mad later if the fall had broken it.

I looked to his perplexed gaze.

“Everything,” I answered, my voice broken.

He shook me a little. “Who upset you? Tell me.”

I opened my mouth at the same time as my mother shouted, “Dinner’s ready.”

My stomach churned at the thought of food.

“I don’t want dinner. I’m never eating anything ever again,” I blubbered, then ran around my father and into my bedroom, where I slammed the door shut and turned my lock.

I dove onto my bed and buried my face into my pillow as I sobbed. My chest hurt with the newfound knowledge of my appearance. My cheeks burned with embarrassment, and my heart ached with pain.

How could I not know I’m fat and ugly? I angrily thought. How could I not see it?

I had a mirror, a full-length one, but I never saw what Anna and Ally saw, even though Anna had repeatedly pointed it out over the last few years. When we made up, she would tell me she just said the mean things to hurt me, not because she thought they were true, and I stupidly believed her. I thought I looked like a normal teenage girl. I never thought I fell into the fat or ugly category. My father always told me I was beautiful. Kale did too.

They lied. Kale lied.

“Lane! Open this door right now!” my father ordered, and banged on my door with his fist.

I could hear my mother shout as she ran up the stairs, then my brothers’ voices as they ran in from the back garden upon hearing the shouting.

“No. You lied to me!” I screamed.

My father was silent for a moment before asking, “What did I lie to you about?”

Like he didn’t know!

“You told me I was beautiful,” I bellowed. “You told me I was perfect. You lied to me, Dad. I’m fat and I’m ugly, and everybody knows it! Everybody!”

I was sobbing so hard I almost made myself sick again.

“Lane!” Lochlan’s voice shouted. “Open the door, or I’m breaking it open!”

“Lochlan, stop it!” my mother snapped, her voice distraught.

“No, we don’t know what she’s doing in there,” he argued. “What if she’s hurting herself?”

At that my mother screamed for me to open the door, but I refused to do as she ordered. I didn’t even respond to her. I was too busy replaying what Anna and Ally had said to me in my head.

Hello, ugly alert.

“Lane?” Layton’s voice suddenly bellowed.

I closed my eyes