It was little wonder he’d cultivated a player image to avoid relationships. Lots of people “performed.” Pretended they had it all together, pretended they weren’t in debt, pretended their relationships were perfect. Many turned to things like gambling, drugs, or alcohol to numb their pain. But Dominic hadn’t tried to numb his pain, he’d hidden it. Hidden it behind a carefree mask. In doing so, he’d isolated himself.
But, really, who could blame him? If she were in his shoes—even if only subconsciously—she’d ask herself what the point was in baring her soul if she felt like she’d never be truly loved for who she was. She’d feel it was better to hold back than to love, trust, and depend on someone.
“Thank you for telling me that,” said Mila, knowing it hadn’t been easy. He’d had the option of leaving, but he hadn’t. He’d stayed. And more importantly, he’d shared.
He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I wobbled for a minute earlier.”
“I know.”
“Don’t give up on me. I’m not used to . . . I’ve never needed anyone, Mila. No one has ever mattered to me the way you do.” He put her hand over his heart, adding, “I thought I’d be in control of how and when you got in here, but it turns out I’m not. You made your own way into there, and that realization knocked me on my ass, but I’m back up again.”
God, he made it impossible to stay angry when he said stuff like that. Now that he’d told her about his upbringing, she understood him better. Understood his earlier need to leave wasn’t so much cowardice as him feeling vulnerable and unsure. And fuck if she didn’t feel like crying for the lonely little boy he’d once been.
Her parents had always made her feel loved and treasured and safe. He’d never had that. And now that there was someone in his life wanting to make him feel all those things, his instinct was to hold her at bay. But he’d pushed past that instinct; he’d stayed. Opened the shutters. Exposed more of himself. Admitted to caring for her, even when he was feeling raw and vulnerable. That took a heap of emotional courage, and it melted every tiny bit of irritation she’d felt. And it would only be fair to return the favor.
“If it helps, Dominic, you’re not the only one struggling. You made a few holes in my self-protective walls. Wormed your way inside. I think caring for someone is supposed to be scary. Freaking out is normal. There’s so much uncertainty, and questions constantly prick at me. Will it work out in the long run? Will you get bored with just one woman in your life? Will you really be able to offer the commitment you seem to want to give?”
“You really wonder all that?”
“Yes. Caring for you is terrifying. Realizing I don’t really have as much authority over my own emotions as I thought I did is just as scary. But feeling so strongly for someone, having them so enmeshed in your life, can also be a very special thing. If you let it be. But if you need space—”
“I don’t need space.” Dominic dragged her on top of him and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I freaked out for a minute, but I do not want space. I couldn’t have walked out that front door, baby. Fuck, I doubt I could have even opened it. I’m exactly where I want to be.”
Resting her chin on his chest, Mila petted him. “I believe you. But if you do at some point feel you need space—”
“I won’t, it was just a wobble,” he promised her. “I wish I could tell you that I’ll never act so fucking stupid again, but it’s easy to trip up when you can’t see where you’re going. That’s what this feels like for me. I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’m in brand-spanking-new territory and doing my best to navigate it. I take most of my cues from you, hoping I don’t mess up.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “But I hurt you. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I acted like a dick. You’re the last person I’d ever want to hurt.” He caught her face with his hands and brushed his mouth over hers. “Think you can forgive me?”
She drew in a deep breath. “Yeah.”
Dominic swallowed. There were no buts, no deliberation, no holding on to her anger for the sake of