I was screaming at my hand to stop when it landed on her collarbone, the indention there tempting me to kiss it, to start there and kiss up the slant of her throat to the underside of her jaw and the tender spot below her ear. To kiss her everywhere but her lips until the breath that came out of them was fast and gasping. Until those beautiful soft pillows opened and begged for me to take them with mine.
Her nipples seemed to harden even more, daring me as much as the words she’d thrown at me. Sharp and edged with need. I coasted over them, a barely-there flicker, but she moaned softly, so quietly I wasn’t even sure she realized she’d done it. My body reacted to it, the painful throb in my lower extremities pushing against my sweats, demanding to find a home within her soft curves.
Take what you desire. It’s what she wants, my inner demon said.
And it brought back the other voices I’d heard since she’d left the billiard room. Ken’Ichi’s dark one flashing with warning.
My dad’s silent chant. No good to the core.
I backed away.
I saw the hurt flash over her face, the pain I was causing by almost giving in to what had floated between us for years. It was almost cruel. But better to be hurt emotionally than to wind up dead.
Even then, I couldn’t help calling after her as she left. A plea to understand. A plea to forgive me. A plea to come back. But she didn’t. Which was for the best. It would be better if my asshole actions caused her to take the train back to New London and forget me altogether.
I found a bottle of whiskey and sank down at the island on a barstool, replaying the night in my head. The two almost-kisses. Violet tucked up against me with her ass against my groin.
Ken’Ichi walking in.
Once Violet and Jada had left the room, Ken’Ichi had narrowed his eyes at me, taking me in as if I were a bug being dissected. I’d spun the pool cue in my hand, trying my best to be the careless American I always played with him. I’d shot a few more balls, waiting for him to speak first.
“I would think you had more important things to take care of right now besides flirting with a teenager and encouraging my fiancée in bad habits,” he’d said.
It had been a scold. For being at the apartment. For being Jada’s friend and never once stopping her from shaming the Mori name with her flagrant partying and the parade of men who’d gone through her bedroom. I normally would have grinned and laughed at the rebuke just to egg him on, but his mentioning Violet had made my gut twist. I hated myself for bringing her to New York. I’d known it was a mistake.
“What?” I’d scoffed, attempting to hide any and all fear. “You want me to sit on my thumbs on the Ada Mae, waiting for your men to show up? I’d rather spend my time with two beautiful women. After all, I’m not the one who has to use my boss to get laid.”
It had been the first time I’d ever really gotten a reaction out of him. His fist had clenched and unclenched. I’d wanted him to hit me so I’d have an excuse to toss him down the elevator shaft without the elevator. I’d bitten my cheek in frustration and took it out on the remaining balls on the table. We were so damn close. I couldn’t lose my temper. I couldn’t afford to be chucked from his good graces.
When he hadn’t commented, I’d said. “What’s your real problem?”
“Right now, I have two. She’s one. You’re the other.”
I’d tried not to show the panic his words hit me with and refused to look at him as I’d responded. “Me? Fuck. I’m offering you a solution. An easy way in and out of the country.”
He hadn’t responded yet again. He’d always been careful what he said around me, but since the listening device had been found in Tarifa, it was like he’d become a vault.
“Look. Jada is my friend. I’m loyal to my friends. I’d think you, of all people, would appreciate that. I don’t know what the hell is going on between the two of you, but I know she’s unhappy,” I’d said.
“She’s unhappy because she’s fighting her role. Her destiny,” he’d replied quietly.