people I loved as a way of getting back at Jada and me curled fear through my stomach.
“I’ll keep you in the loop with him the best I can,” he said.
“What do they want me to do now?” I asked.
“They’ll find a desk for you here, locally.”
“Chase down anonymous calls about terrorists in people’s backyards?” I scoffed.
“It’s still a shipping hub. Lots of activity at the docks.”
“I’m not sure I can do that. A desk. It really isn’t me,” I said.
“Not the same thrill as driving a yacht across the Atlantic at seventy knots?” he asked with a rare Malone smile.
I grinned. “Not even close.”
What I didn’t tell him was about all the doubts floating around in my head. Thoughts about how I’d joined the FBI for all the wrong reasons. For the respect of a man who would never even know that I was law enforcement just like him. Because I’d thought I had to prove I wasn’t bad to the core. That I could do more than cause wreckage and ruin to people’s lives. I’d momentarily thought that came with a badge and a gun, but it still hadn’t stopped me from risking everything.
I needed to find a different way to be a better man.
“You’re good at it, though,” Malone said, as if he could hear my inner turmoil. “You’re a natural. The Bureau is going to need you and what you know.”
I couldn’t help the swell of emotions that hit my chest at his words. It was rare that anyone I admired sent praise in my direction. When I didn’t respond, Malone kept going. “Let things settle down before you make any decisions.”
I nodded, and we headed back toward the office.
He went inside while I swung into the seat of the Aston Martin. In some ways, the operation coming apart was a relief. Hiding so much of my life from the people I loved had been hard because I’d always prided myself on speaking the truth.
I had a lot of choices to make.
Stay or go.
Love or leave.
My heart constricted as I thought of my lilac-eyed genius who looked at me like I could move the stars if I wanted to.
Right or wrong, I didn’t think I had the power inside me to walk away from her.
She’d said we were two bonded elements who would no longer result in our base form if we were forced apart. We wouldn’t be Dawson or Violet, but some torn versions of ourselves. But together…together we were a brand-new creation.
I wanted to believe that.
As I drove to the hospital to see Dax and Jada, I knew I had one last call to make. I had to come clean to my brother.
Violet
DEEP END
“And I've been way over my head,
And I'm not scared, I'm not scared, no.”
Performed by Daughtry
Written by Ryberg / Daughtry / Frost / Liljegren
I fell asleep after Dawson left, a fitful slumber torn by flashing images of Ken’Ichi’s dark eyes and Jada’s dress full of blood. A door slamming jerked me completely awake, and I stared for a long time at a ceiling I could barely make out with the darkness that had fallen over the room.
I needed to go back to the hospital.
I needed to talk to Jersey.
I needed to wrap my body around Dawson’s and hold on tight.
I also needed to check on my lab and the antimicrobial. I’d almost forgotten about it in the chaos of the last two days.
When I went to get up, my body groaned. Tired. Achy. Sore.
It wasn’t the feeling of being sick. I didn’t need to panic. It was a feeling like having worked out too hard and too fast and paying for it the next day. I opened the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and shook out my antibiotics with a trembling hand. I hadn’t stopped taking them since the drunk had puked on me at the bar. We’d been to the city. I’d been surrounded by people. I’d been in the hospital, covered in blood.
The ID bracelet on my wrist taunted me.
I took a shower, sliding into leggings and a sweater that seemed to be my ubiquitous uniform these days. Soft and comforting. I wove my hair into my typical plait, left my face free of makeup, and headed down the stairs to find Saul and Tami in the kitchen.
“The party made the news,” Tami said seriously, referring to the local news station they had on.
They had a picture of Jada’s house wrapped in crime scene tape. It was from the