The Unkindest Tide (October Daye #13) - Seanan McGuire Page 0,177
a hothead and a fool, said she’d just die and break my heart. They were right about that part. They were wrong about the rest. My Tina was the smartest choice I ever made. She didn’t mean to leave me. She didn’t mean to leave us. I made my choices, and I stand by them. As long as you treat Helen with respect and can say the same thing about your own choices, I’m all right with them.”
Willis picked up two plates of scrambled eggs and held them out to me.
“Take them upstairs,” he said, almost gently. “She’s probably waiting for you to follow her. I’ll feed Cal.”
“Okay,” I said, and took the plates, and left the kitchen.
EIGHT
Climbing the stairs with bruises that felt like they ran all the way down to my bones was an experience I wasn’t planning to repeat any time soon. Once I was recovered enough to return to the Court of Cats, we’d find me a healer and make all of this go away. Yes. We’d make all of this go away, and then Quentin and I would go to a spa and sit in hot water until my body forgot what it even was to ache.
Helen’s bedroom door was closed. I looked at it and sighed.
“I have your eggs,” I called. “I don’t have any free hands, and I don’t trust myself on the Shadow Roads yet. Can you come open the door? Please?”
Silence answered me. I sighed again, louder this time.
“Come on, Helen. This isn’t fair. I just want to talk to you, okay?”
Footsteps from the other side of the door heralded her approach. Then it opened—not far. Just enough for her to scowl out at me.
“You won’t promise not to put yourself in danger, but you’ll bring me eggs.”
“Well, yeah.” I shrugged helplessly. “I’m a Prince of Cats. Danger is always going to be part of my life, even when I wish it wasn’t. You know I’d rather be watching movies on the couch with you than getting hit by cars.” Movies on the couch, or other things in her bedroom. I could try for dignity as much as I wanted. I was still a teenager.
Although, if Uncle Tybalt and October were anything to judge by, adults liked to blame everything teenagers did on their hormones while still being more than half-ruled by their own hormones. It was another case of “do as I say, not as I do,” and the fact that it was funny didn’t make it less annoying.
“Really? Because you just told me you weren’t going to stop.”
I held up the plates. “Eggs. Eggs for eating.” My stomach grumbled. “I need to eat them. Can we sit down and talk about this? Please?”
Helen looked at me sullenly for a moment before she turned and walked back over to her bed, leaving the door open for me. I sagged with relief and followed her into the room. I closed the door before I moved to sit beside her on the mattress, handing one of the plates over.
“They’re not cold yet,” I said, before driving my fork into my own plate of fluffy scramble. The eggs were excellently well-prepared—hearth magic tends to lend itself to excellent outcomes, regardless of the cook’s actual skill—and I took several quick bites before glancing at Helen and lowering my fork.
She was pale, trembling slightly as she stared down at her plate. A tear ran down the slope of her nose and fell onto the eggs, vanishing.
“You’re going to leave me,” she whispered. “I always knew . . . I always guessed you would, but it was always later. Like ‘later’ was a different country and I didn’t have to worry about what happened there. Only later isn’t far away anymore, is it? Later is right around the corner.”
“Helen . . .” I set my plate aside before taking hers out of her lap. Then I moved, slowly and achingly, to kneel in front of her. She looked at me gravely. I took her hands in mine, holding them as tightly as I dared.
I took a deep breath.
“I love you,” I said. She flinched. I didn’t let go. “You’re brave and smart and loyal and beautiful, and I guess I’d love you even if you weren’t all of those things, but it makes it easier that you are. You’re perfect. You’re better than I deserve.”
“So why can’t you choose me?” Her voice was a whisper, aching and broken.