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squeezed shut by this waking dream, as he moved his fist up and down on himself, trying hard to fill over the dry silence of the house with the flood of that other, imagined place, shorn of everything but a pleasure so keen it might just have the power to obliterate him. Then, for two or three ecstatic seconds, the obliteration came, its flood receding too quickly, leaving behind the wrecked old world of things as they actually were.
He lay still now. Along the bottom edge of the shade, he could see the faint, bluish tinge of the streetlight. A pile of clothing was dimly visible on the chair in the corner, the spine of a textbook sticking out over the edge of his desk. He closed his eyes again but the fantasy was gone and he was wide awake.
Chapter 9
A quarter past nine, the clock on the mantel read. Too early for bed, if Charlotte didn't want to wake in the dead of night. She took a seat by the open window in the living room, where warm evening air floated across the sill onto her lap and onto the heads of the dogs lying at her feet. She'd run on too long this afternoon with young Nate, carried away on the Works Progress Administration, but she hadn't been able to help herself.
He had caught her unawares that first day he'd appeared and it had been all she could do to muster an hour's lesson. As he'd scribbled the occasional note, a familiar pall of uncomprehending boredom had settled over his face like custard. How many times had she seen the like while pacing her classroom, Lincoln's doleful eyes gazing over the fruit of his more perfect union? Over the years, most students had been baffled by her importuning, her insistence that they see the conditions of their own lives in historical terms. Amidst the general, bovine indifference there had always been a few willing to entertain the notion that the world might consist of more than their uses for it. She hadn't pegged Nate as one at first.
But now she saw things differently. He attended to her words as if it weren't only the content that mattered. Toward the end of her years at the school, even her better students had become mere harvesters of fact, unwilling to be transformed by what they might learn. They were closed to that higher ambiguity that came only from observing at close range a person compelled by knowledge, someone who might show by example how one's first self, illiberally imposed, could be given up in favor of the chosen course. But not this young man. It wasn't that his few questions had been all that penetrating, and indeed his being impressed by the intruder's mansion had struck her nearly dumb. But he considered her arguments; he followed the rhythm of her words.
A generosity of attention. That was the heart of it.
You expect us to believe that? Wilkie said, rising to press his nose to the screen, ears perked up like the wings of a bat. Come on now, be honest with yourself.
The boy's skin, pale like butter; his large brown eyes; the way his hair fell in a wave over his forehead. She'd seen the resemblance early on, but pushed the thought aside. But sitting across from him at the Chinese the other week it made no sense to deny how like a younger Eric he looked.
Oh, here we go, Sam said.
How could she ever think, ever get things clear in her head with the two of them nattering like this?
That afternoon, tutoring Nate, just as an idea was about to take form and escape the eddies of modification and caveat, some tiny fact - ash on the carpet, a strand of ticking loose on the sofa's arm - had pulsed up bright in front of her, arresting all her forward motion, and she'd floated there, lost, catching the dark sparkle of Sam's or Wilkie's eyes, who called out to her, There is no place other than this: welcome, leaving her terrified but determined to resist, to find the current again before it ceased, and so haul from her stalled mind a coherent thought.
But even now as she tried to concentrate, to keep her mind here in the present, memory, like a troubled friend whispering through the screen, brought the image of her old apartment on West Eleventh Street, those two little ground-floor rooms with the paved square of garden