Under the Moon (Goddesses Rising) - By Natalie J. Damschroder Page 0,3
salvo.
“Did you talk to Nick again?” he asked, surprising her.
“No.” She ducked under the bar pass-through and crossed to the door to lock it, peering out the small pane of glass onto the gravel lot for the millionth time. “I tried to call, but I still can’t get through.”
“He’s never come this early before.” Sam flipped one of the heavy oak chairs up onto a hewn and polished tabletop. “What do you think is going on?”
“There’s no point speculating.” She went to the other side of the room to help him. “Let’s not start listing all the possible reasons. That’s too stressful.” She didn’t want to tell Sam that Nick had told her to stay close to him. That would increase his worry and maybe keep him from going home. She desperately needed some space to get through the next few hours without giving in to the moon lust.
“Okay. So we’ll talk about us.” Sam pulled down a chair and sat in front of her.
“Can I say no?”
He just looked at her.
“Fine.” She sighed and half sat on a nearby table. Sam waited, his eyebrows raised, his mouth cocked, as if he already knew what she was going to say and found it absurd.
“You’re twenty-eight, Sam.”
“I know how old I am.”
Quinn folded her arms. “I’m ten years older than you.”
“I know how old you are, too.”
“I don’t want to keep you from fulfilling your destiny.”
He chuckled, shaking his head. “And what’s my destiny?”
“It doesn’t matter.” She steeled herself, ignoring the slow roll of need in her gut. “It’s not me.”
He sobered. “Quinn…”
“No, Sam.” She made an effort to keep her voice steady. “You deserve a chance to find someone right for you. But that’s not the main issue.” She sighed. “It’s time.”
She didn’t want to talk about the way he’d been watching her. She recognized something in him that she’d buried deep inside herself, didn’t even acknowledge anymore. The belief that there was nothing else out there that could give him what he was missing. She’d tried to fill a hole in herself with Sam, using the moon lust as an excuse, not realizing it or seeing that she was creating a matching hole in him. And now she couldn’t believe she’d been so blind and selfish.
“I don’t get it.” He spread his arms wide. “I’m not looking for someone else!”
“That’s the problem!” she shot back. “I’m holding you back from finding something real and lasting. A relationship with a woman who won’t relegate you to one week every month, for one thing.”
A muscle in his jaw twitched. “You need me.”
He meant it in a general sense, but it resonated physically. Need of the more carnal variety pulsed in half a dozen places. Quinn clenched her thighs, shifted her folded arms, and fought the impulse to reassure him. She’d told him the first week he worked for her that she would never lie to him. If she said she didn’t need him, he’d recognize the deception, and that would hurt him more than not being needed would.
“I’m not going to die if I don’t have sex,” she said instead. “I’ve managed three months already.”
“Yeah, and it took its toll. You had to work harder to do the same things this month, didn’t you?”
“No.” That wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t completely true, either. When Sam raised his eyebrows, she said, “I got tired faster. But I need more sleep, that’s all. I should be able to manage this another way.” Frustrated, she pulled the bar towel off her shoulder and slapped it on the tabletop behind her.
“You’ve tried,” Sam said. “You told me so, back when you first hired me. It never worked, and the need grew. So why do you think it will be different now?”
“Because I’m older.”
“And more powerful. Wouldn’t that make the need worse?”
Damn him, he had an answer for everything. “I’ll find someone else.” Her gut twisted. The consequence of her heritage would be much easier to deal with if she didn’t care whom she slept with, but she always had. As much as it balanced her physically, sex with strangers or acquaintances left her more emotionally bereft, especially after her parents died.
Then came Sam. He’d filled so many holes in her life. Business manager, friend, family. Quinn knew that if she let him, he’d take that even further, marry her and raise children with her, and as blissful as the fantasy was, it would never be as perfect as he wanted it to be. She