Under the Lights (The Field Party #2) - Abbi Glines Page 0,75
stepped farther into the room.
I nodded. “Figured I’d be productive.”
She frowned. “I don’t want to send you off, Willa. I love having you here with me. You’re home here, and it makes life brighter. But I can’t let you down like I did your mom.”
Just as I’d guessed, it was about my mom. “I know” was all I could say.
“You’ve got so much potential. Potential that your mother didn’t have. You’ve got a big heart, and you know how to overcome obstacles.”
The tears that I said I wouldn’t cry stung my eyes.
“I love that boy. Gunner is a good boy. He’s been neglected, and he’s damaged because of it. But deep down he’s got a heart ain’t neither of his parents have. He’s special, too. But he is damaged, Willa. The boy ain’t ever been loved in that home. He don’t know what that feels like. Close as he got was me, and I’m just the hired help. Not being loved by the people who are supposed to take care of you messes you up. I can’t trust him not to ruin your life. He won’t mean to, but he will. He can’t be that guy for you.”
She didn’t know the Gunner I knew, but she had been around him more than I had. She had watched him grow, and she’d seen all his troubles. Maybe she was right. He hadn’t told me he loved me, and he’d used my love against me to get his way. Was that the only way he knew how to accept love? Could I let him take a piece of my heart and not know how to protect it? I didn’t have much left. Poppy and Quinn had already taken a large chunk.
“There’s a girls Catholic school about two hours from here on the north side of Nashville. My friend Bernadette is the headmaster there. I’ve known her since she was a girl. We can’t afford to pay the tuition, but you could get in on scholarship if you worked hours in the office every week before school and after school. Bernadette will let you stay in her guest bedroom and feed you if you’ll do daily chores and then deep-clean on the weekend. It won’t be easy, but it’ll keep you busy and out of trouble.”
I had already heard most of this when she’d been talking on the phone. This sounded very lonely, and my heart ached to think of leaving here again. I would miss Nonna, and Gunner and Brady. Coming back here had been my hope for healing, if that was even possible. I’d barely been here, and I was already being shipped out. When my mother had kicked me out, I’d begged her to let me stay. I had been scared. She’d ignored me. I couldn’t beg again. That hurt too much.
“Okay” was all I said. Why say more?
Nonna frowned and walked over to me. When she put her hand on my shoulder, I tried not to flinch. Because even though I knew this was out of love, it still was too similar to what had just happened with my mother.
“But that idea makes me sad. I like having you here. I can’t get a good feeling about sending you away, even though I know Bernadette would take care of you. So here’s my other offer. Stay here with me and homeschool. I’ve got the Internet, and I’ll get you a computer. Don’t socialize with those boys and study hard. Could be that you graduate early. Get that diploma, and then we will focus on college. You’ve got a big world out there, Willa, and I don’t want you to miss it with one mistake.”
I could hear what she was saying, but I was afraid to believe her. Was this real? She was giving me an option to stay here. Even if it was basically house arrest. I wouldn’t have to go to some strange place and readjust again. I could stay in my room and work here. Prove to Nonna I was as smart as she thought I was.
This meant no more Gunner, but after last night I wasn’t sure there would be anyway. Loving Gunner wouldn’t save him. It hadn’t changed him. He was self-destructive and angry. And loving him didn’t mean I could sacrifice any more of my life for him. I had my own past to overcome.
“I want to stay here,” I said. “I’ll work very hard and make you proud.”