I think what hurts the most is that I’m not even able to scream at him. I can’t raise my voice, because it hurts so bad I think I will break down if I so much as look at him. But I’m wrong because I experience a whole new level of pain when he walks away. Kade doesn’t stop to comfort me. Doesn’t think to apologize. He doesn't even look at me.
Instead, he just curses, kicking the wall and making the plaster break off in parts. He doesn't speak to Parker, but in the end, he does look at me. One look, filled with something akin to regret, but not enough of it to speak up and tell me what he feels.
And then he leaves, and it's just the two of us. Parker and his little sis. And once again, Kade's twin has to pick up the pieces.
He does. Parker stays with me all night. He holds me as I cry over his brother. I lick my wounds that Kade has spilled the salt into. He doesn’t call, doesn’t text, doesn’t even shoot me a Facebook message. I guess he got what he wanted from me, and now he’s done. I should have known. How did I not figure it out?
I retreat to the safety that is Parker. He always has been my solid rock, and in this past year when we lost touch, I felt so lost. I tried to find that with Kade, which I’m only realizing now. Kade could never be my best friend, though. I don't know if he even loved me. All he wanted was to use me, take me, and then the money, too. I’m slumped on the couch, and Parker is holding me, stroking my hair softly. The tears have all dried up now, but I’m still whimpering with the pain, because it hurts so fucking bad to be betrayed like this.
“You have to talk sometime,” Parker says softly and I curl into a ball in his arms, refusing to acknowledge what he said. “Shhh,” he says as I whimper again. “Just tell me what happened. It will make you feel better.”
I’m hesitant, because after all, it’s his brother we’re talking about. But I need to tell someone, need to pour my pain out of my body, because otherwise, I might just drown in it. Usually, this would be something I’d discuss with Dove, but she’s disappeared off the face of the planet. I’m not getting replies to my texts, and she doesn’t pick up her phone. I assume she’s off hunting some famous rockstar again, and do my best to move on without her.
“We’ve been…” I sniffle. Parker squeezes me closer and I go on, feeling encouraged. “We kissed. Remember when I came to your place for lunch?”
His body tenses and I can feel his hands trying hard not to form into fists. “Did he kiss you?”
“I don’t know,” I lie.
We lie still for a while, the only sound that of my ragged breathing. But then Parker grabs me by the shoulders suddenly, making me face him.
“I need to know,” he says, his voice breaking over the words painfully. “Was he…”
I know what he’s going to ask, but it doesn’t hurt any less knowing what words are going to come out of his mouth.
“Was he your first?” Parker wants to know.
His question is shocking. I was expecting him to ask if we slept together, sure, but not this. And the crazed jealousy he regards me with is strange—unusual for Parker. He's not the jealous type. Kade is. I look him in the eyes, and I think of my blissful happiness only hours ago. I nod, and I don’t break eye contact.
This is my shame, and I'm just going to have to live with it. Parker groans. I can tell I've hurt him, but there's no point in lying anymore.
“That fucker,” he says quietly, but with such rage it scares me to the bone. “That bastard. How could he do that to you? How could he take that away from you?"
“It’s okay,” I whisper, scooting to the edge of the couch. “It will be okay, right?” I need him to nod, need him to say it will, because otherwise, I will break right the fuck now. I've lost Kade. I've almost lost Parker again. And after the pain of losing so many other people, I just can't handle another fucking heartbreak.
Parker doesn't reply. The absence of his answer makes me bite