Twisted Up (Taking Chances #1) - Erin Nicholas Page 0,92
their meaning spread through her.
“So many people would have ended up bitter,” Heidi said. “So many would have used it all as an excuse to feel sorry for themselves and to not do anything worthwhile. But you went the other way. You stood on your own two feet and worked hard and made your dreams come true, and it all still led you into serving and taking care of others.” Heidi wiped the wetness from under her eyes. “I admire you a great deal.”
Avery felt her own tears threatening. This was all . . . exactly what she’d wanted to hear for so long.
Avery pulled in a shaky breath, letting that sink in. “I hated you.”
“I know.”
“But if you had called me and asked me to come back, I would have. I hated myself for that. That you could hurt me so much and I would still do anything you asked.”
Heidi swallowed hard. “I know. That’s part of why I didn’t say anything that morning. I wanted you to stay, and I knew you would. But you deserved to make your own choices based on what you wanted. When you came back to Chance, after all, I cried. I was so happy.”
“Even though we didn’t talk?”
“It hurt,” Heidi admitted. “But I was happy because you were so obviously happy. That’s what a mother really wants.”
Avery felt a sob catch at the back of her throat. She had to clear her throat before she could speak again. “I considered myself part of your family for so long, but then graduation hit and . . . everything seemed to be ending and changing, and I didn’t want anything to be different. I wanted everything to go on exactly as it always had. I, um . . .” She blew out another quick breath. “I wanted to be a part of your family so much that I had hoped things with Jake would turn into more.”
“Things with Jake?” Heidi asked carefully.
“Prom, the time right after, graduation night.” Avery felt her cheeks heat.
“We . . . um . . .” Avery stopped and coughed lightly.
“Ah, I see,” Heidi said. “Well, I can see why you would think that meant something more.”
Avery nodded.
“You didn’t know he was leaving the next morning, either, did you?”
Avery shook her head.
They were quiet for a moment, each replaying all the words, letting them sink in.
“And this time?” Heidi asked. “You’re just working together? There’s nothing more there?”
Oh, boy. Avery pressed her lips together. How much could she—should she—tell Heidi?
“I can’t say that there’s nothing more. But Jake . . . drives me nuts, but . . . I . . .” Avery trailed off, frustrated with the lack of ability to really describe what was going on. Even to herself.
“You love him.”
Avery’s head came up quickly. That almost knocked her on her butt. She started to shake her head. “I . . .”
But Heidi pinned her with a look Avery had seen more than once in her life. It said, Don’t you dare lie to me.
Avery’s shoulders sagged. “Okay. I do. But he doesn’t know,” she said quickly.
“You’re not going to tell him?”
Avery shook her head. “I can’t. I can’t . . . ask him to stay, to give up everything.”
“What if he wanted to stay? To come home?”
“Then he needs to do it on his own,” Avery said. “He can’t do it because of me. I can’t put that on him. If he decides to come back to Chance, I’d be thrilled. But if not . . . his being happy will still make me happy.”
Heidi’s eyes filled. “Now I know for sure you love him. Because you’re doing for him what I did for you. I wanted you to find out who and where you wanted to be.” She came forward with her arms outstretched and pulled Avery into a hug. “I’m so, so glad you came back, though,” Heidi whispered against her hair.
Tears flooded Avery’s eyes, too, and she hugged the other woman tightly.
Her feelings for Jake seemed to open Avery up. She felt like all the walls she’d put up around her mind and heart, to keep out the things she didn’t trust, had fallen. It didn’t make sense that she was in love with a man who needed more than she could give him, who needed a bigger, more exciting life. But she was. In love enough to let him go.