Truth in Advertising Page 0,54

the appearance of work, despite the results of a recent study, which says that group brainstorming produces far fewer good ideas than people working on their own. The guys have brought half-written scripts, a line on a page, a half-baked idea, nothing. Rajit has an old issue of National Geographic.

Stefano says, “Very fascist of you, Fin.”

Rajit mumbles something and he and Stefano and Malcolm laugh.

People tap their iPhones, their iPads, tweet, update a Facebook page, post a wall comment, browse Zappos. I stare out the window and imagine the reaction from the driver of the boat when someone first suggested waterskiing.

Stefano continues, “I feel like we used to get much more time. Weeks. Now it’s days. Am I alone here?”

Paulie says, “Hey, ya know Captain Underpants, right?”

Ian says, “You mean Dodge?”

Paulie says, “No. Like Captain Underpants. The books.”

Malcolm says, “Underpants. I don’t understand.”

Paulie says, “Underpants. Captain Underpants. Ya know.”

Ian has Googled Captain Underpants on his iPhone. “I love this. I love his name.”

I say, “Maybe he’s a cartoon and everyone else is real.”

Paulie says, “What if it’s like, ‘Be like Captain Underpants, don’t crap your pants.’”

Stefano says, without opening his eyes, “I could have told you he was going to say that.”

Rajit’s laughing. He’s also in the process of lighting a cigarette.

I say, “Raj. Could you please. Raj.” He just smiles and nods, lighting up. Stefano smells it, opens his eyes, and does the same. Smoke billows. I wave it away with my hand. No one else seems to mind.

Raj says something. Malcolm translates: “Animate it. Everyone else is human except the diapers. They dissolve.”

Raj says, “Pixar. Pixar.” Rajit holds his cigarette between his index finger and his thumb, as if he’s about to throw a dart. When he inhales he turns his hand upside down and drags like he’s smoking a bong. When he exhales, very little smoke comes out.

Ian types the ideas into my computer.

Paulie says, “Up was awesome. I cried.”

Malcom says, “I cried like an infant. It could be because I was adopted.”

Raj says something.

Malcolm says, “He thinks celebrities with extremely large heads and tiny bodies are funny. Babies’ bodies. Wearing diapers.”

Ian says, “That’s mental.” But he writes it down.

Malcolm says, “Okay. Well, we had something. Use the song ‘Under Pressure.’ Queen and David Bowie. And we see landfills. All over the world. Getting fuller. Maybe. I don’t know. Not sure you want to see trash.”

Raj says something. Malcolm says, “He says maybe you reverse it. You see them getting less full, turning into fields again.”

Paulie says, “Is that the right song, though?”

Malcolm says, “Probably not. That’s just the song we were listening to at the time.”

Paulie says, “Ya know what could be kind of beautiful? Like, do you guys know Bach’s Cello Suites? They’re insane. The first one is my favorite.”

Ian’s gone to iTunes and plays it. We listen and I wonder how someone can make that kind of sound. Everyone is quiet for the thirty seconds of free music iTunes gives us.

When it’s done, Ian says, “I kind of love that.” The others nod.

Ian writes it down as under pressure idea/Bach.

Paulie says, “They used it on The West Wing a bunch of years ago. The episode where Josh has the flashbacks of being shot during the assassination attempt.”

Rajit says, “I remember that one,” and we actually understand him.

Ian says, “I loved that show.”

I say, “I own it. The boxed set. I own it.”

People nod, drink their coffee, eat their unusually large Starbucks cookies.

Stefano says, “Have your cake and eat it, too.”

We look at him.

He says, “I was just thinking about that phrase. I don’t understand it.”

Ian says, “It’s about greed, right?”

I say, “I think that’s right. Having cake, but being aware that you shouldn’t eat it.”

Ian says, “No. I think it’s more like, you shouldn’t want more than just your own cake.”

Stefano says, “But why even have the cake in the first place, then? Why is it bad to have some delicious cake and eat it, too?”

Raj says, “No, no,” and then something else.

Malcolm says, “It’s the idea of having cake but also eating it. Two things at once, yeah?”

Paulie says, “Wait. Why would you have it and not eat it?”

Stefano says, “You could be on a diet. Or maybe it’s not a very good cake. The cake in the cafeteria is atrocious.”

Ian says, “Cake’s a funny word. Cake. Cupcake.”

Paulie says, “That’s what my wife calls her hoo-hoo.”

Ian says, “Thanks for that.”

Stefano says, “It’s just odd to me, this notion that you would be served