I was doing,” he said, his voice harsh. “Over and over I helped her with every aspect of her life, from her classes to her homework, to what sorority she might enjoy. I never let her do anything on her own, to the point that she depended on me, and when I couldn’t be there, I let her down.”
Emily came and stood in front of him. “So you’re saying she resisted all your helpful advice.”
“No, never.”
“You were helping her when she asked for your advice, and that was wrong?”
“I was smothering her,” Nate said, feeling the cords in his neck go taut as he ground his teeth together. “I should have seen what was happening. But I didn’t, until she dropped out of school because she felt like such a failure.”
Emily put her hand on his arm and he let her, though he felt tight with tension.
“Nate, that wasn’t all your fault. It sounds like she didn’t know what she wanted. I’ve been there—we’ve all been there. To blame you was wrong.”
“I know what you’re saying, Em, but if it was just that, then okay. But it kept happening over the next couple years. It’s like I couldn’t distance myself, I couldn’t see where other people ended, and I began. And it wasn’t just the women I dated. My cousin came to visit for a summer to work on the ranch, and he was so lost on what he wanted to do with his life. He followed me around like my word was gospel, and we mapped out a plan together because I thought for certain he wanted the discipline and life of a soldier.”
She winced.
“You can see it coming, though I didn’t,” Nate said bitterly. “He hated the military, almost got himself dishonorably discharged, but held it together until his enlistment was up. Good old Nate jumped right in to solve every problem.” He stared down at her. “Sound familiar?” He waited for her to deny it, but when she hesitated, he could only sigh. “I fight it, Em, and I win that battle now.”
She put up a hand. “Stop talking and listen to me. All I wanted to say was that I can see your kindness, Nate, and how much you care about people. But you haven’t stepped over your bounds with me, and I won’t be letting you. I spent years of my life ignoring the warnings I kept telling myself—I’ll never do that again. I make my own decisions, and I have enough ‘romantic baggage’ that started in college, all of my own making. And if you lend me tools or your knowledge, or kiss me senseless, it’s because I’m allowing it. And your girlfriends and your cousin? They didn’t know themselves yet, and I’m sure they learned to stand on their own two feet. I did.”
“It’s nice of you to say that, Em.” But he didn’t believe he was blameless.
“Then we’re okay?” she asked.
“We’re okay.”
To his surprise, she leaned against him and rose to her tiptoes for a kiss, as if he hadn’t just warned her off.
“Guess you better go,” she said. “Scout will be worried.”
At the door, he cocked his head. “Aspen?”
“Aspen,” she answered dreamily, surrendering to another kiss. Then her eyes snapped open. “Aspen! Our next date.”
He chuckled. “What about tomorrow?”
“I have to work until after lunch. You could pick me up at two, unless you think that’s too late. I can skip painting for a single day.”
He couldn’t stop touching her, fingers caressing her waist, or down her soft arm. He almost forgot what they were talking about, so he linked their hands together. “That’s fine. We can wander town for a few hours, then have dinner.” He bent down to kiss her one last time. “See you tomorrow,” he whispered against her lips.
When Nate had gone, Emily leaned against the door and contemplated what he’d told her. It would be so easy to feel like a giddy teenager again. But she was a mature woman of thirty who knew her own mind, and he was a mature man who’d made mistakes and wouldn’t repeat them. All the better for her. His attention, his sweet consideration of her feelings, and the way he made her feel like the most desirable woman ever to inhabit the planet . . . those things were a balm to her spirit. The fact that he had such a weighty reason not to go any further reassured her.