Torn Page 0,54

his arms around me and tell me it was okay. I would have punched him if he tried. Irate, I jumped up and walked outside to the dock. The salty sea air blew across my skin and sent my hair flying. Was this what my life came to? Murder? I killed that woman. If we'd snuck in when she wasn't home, our lives wouldn't have collided and she wouldn't be dying - forgetting everything and everyone she loved - while I was... While I was what? Anger surged through me as I smashed my fist into the dock. The wood cracked under my hand and splintered, sending shards flying in every direction. Some of the fragments scraped my cheek as they flew by, while other pieces of wood lodged themselves in my hand.

I sat down hard on the dock and began to pick the splinters out of my fist. Unable to use my left hand as well as my right, I couldn't get all the bits of wood out of my skin. The wind blew softly, and long strands of my hair lifted and gently balanced on the breeze. I stared. The tips of my hair glowed purple like dying embers of a once raging fire. Pushing the loose curls back, I thought that my eyes were probably ringed in violet, too.

I felt his eyes on my back before he said anything. "There was no other way around it."

I nodded. My voice was cold, "So it seems - at least when I'm involved."

"What is that supposed to mean?" he stood next to me, still cautious.

I looked up at him, "Did we really have to do that to her? I mean, so what if she saw us. So what if cops were looking for us? So what if the Martis are looking for us? So what if they know we have the book?" My gaze shifted down as my voice dropped, "Everyone else is looking for us anyway. What's the difference? The difference to us is minor, but the difference to her...We killed her, Collin. She just won't know who did it or why." My voice was cold, the bottom of my stomach was ice, and the resolve that was flowing through me was intensifying. Why did I do things because people told me to? When we spoke about it earlier, I dismissed the idea of accidentally waking her up. I only accepted Collin's plan because I knew it would never happen and I didn't want to fight. But now? Now, I regretted it horribly. I should have said something, did something. It didn't matter that she saw us. I ended her life, just like every other person who crossed my path.

Collin could sense my thoughts. He sat down next to me, careful not to touch me, allowing me to have some private thoughts and process my feelings without him seeing everything. He swallowed hard. "There can't be any witnesses. Too much is on the line. This is a war, Ivy. There are causalities." I looked over at him, shocked. "Don't look at me like that. Don't act like you didn't know how important it is to keep you hidden. If they find you, you die. We can't leave any trace of our whereabouts. It's bad enough that Eric's tracked you down. But if more people find you? You know what'll happen, Ivy. We can't evade an entire army looking for you. And what happens depends totally on which side finds you first. Kreturus isn't done with you, even if he appears to have left you alone for the moment. And the Martis will kill you and ask questions later. This isn't over. It's barely begun. I'm sorry I can't shelter you from this stuff. It's the way things are. This is war. You knew what had to happen back there. Mortals are born and die. That's their life. I gave her the least painful way out of this that I could think of. I did it for you. I knew you'd react like this, but it had to be done."

My head snapped towards him. My eyes were rimmed. I could feel it. The anger that felt dormant moments ago flamed into my chest, making me hot and increasingly furious. Collin recoiled slightly when I looked at him. Something came across the bond at the moment, but I was too upset to detect what it was. Later, I would have wished I had. "No. I'm not doing things like that