I did and one of those seniors with his name killed him?
I need an answer before I see Delilah. I can’t bring myself to leave without touching base with him. I’ll make sure he’s okay, race to the bookstore, and sneak into a seat in the very back. This is fine. This is all going to be—
“Rowan?”
I whirl around to find Mara lifting her hand in a wave.
“Hey,” I say, wary, but she shakes her head.
“I don’t have your name.”
“Oh. Good.” I sort of shuffle awkwardly from foot to foot. “Neil and I are still working together. I’m… waiting for him.” At least, I hope I am.
“He’s Neil now?” One corner of her mouth pulls into a half smile.
“It is his name.”
“You always call him McNair, or McNightmare, or something like that.”
Oh. I guess I do. I must have made the mental switch at some point without even thinking about it.
“It’s been a weird day,” I finally concede, but she’s full-on grinning now. “Where’s Kirby?”
“Dead,” Mara says, as flat as if she were informing me she got a B on a paper. “I couldn’t save her.”
“You really do get a little too into this.”
“Ahem, look who’s talking,” she says. “It was pretty wild. Meg Lazarski spotted her at Seattle Center, and for some reason, Kirby thought she could hide in the fountain and Meg wouldn’t go after her. She was wrong. So she got totally drenched, and she went home to clean up. We’re meeting back up at the next safe zone.”
It splits something open inside me, imagining the two of them having this completely different last day. But I made my choice—I’m sticking with Neil. If I can find him.
It doesn’t mean I can’t try to make things right with my friends, though.
“Mara,” I start, and because apologizing is hard, my teeth worry my lower lip before I speak again. “You and Kirby were right. I’ve been really selfish this year. I want to make things better between the three of us. I’m so sorry I haven’t been putting in the effort. I think maybe I was so focused on the idea of us I had in my head that I didn’t realize I actually had to, you know, try. I’ve… been a shitty friend.”
I think of that photo on my phone again. I don’t know when we lost that, but we have some time to get it back. Not trying is the only thing that guarantees we won’t.
Mara’s quiet for a few moments, toeing a straw wrapper on the ground with her sandal. “You’re being hard on yourself,” she says. “I mean, yes, you’ve been a bit of a ghost this year, but we’ve all had a lot going on.”
“You’re letting me off the hook that easily?” I say, and she smirks.
“I’m a lot harder to get rid of than you think.” She leans in, places a hand on my shoulder. “And we still have the summer. We have breaks from school. We have social media. We’re not going to suddenly turn into strangers. I can’t promise that we’ll be as close forever, but… we can try.”
“I want to make it up to you both. We’ll talk more after the game? After graduation?”
“I’d love that. And who knows… maybe Neil can come too.”
I lift my eyebrows at this, not entirely understanding. I’m not sure if Neil and I will hang out after today, but Mara’s being her usual optimistic self: assuming that because Neil and I teamed up tonight, we’re magically friends now.
“If I have any hope of catching you guys, I have to hustle,” she says.
“Good luck,” I tell her, and she jogs off toward the zoo’s exit.
AP Literature Group Chat
(Junior year)
Tuesday, January 15, 8:36 p.m.
Brady Becker
SWEET got the two smartest kids in my group
so are we getting an A or A+?
Lily Gulati
Brady, you may actually have to *gasp* put in some work to get an A.
so I already have a bunch of project ideas
I love ms. grable
Neil McNair
Sure, if you don’t mind reading books that won’t even be on the AP exam.
Brady Becker
@lily ur killin my buzz!!!
you don’t have to be a dick just because we’re not reading your bro mark twain
Neil McNair
He’s not my bro. And every other sophomore English class is reading Huck Finn this year. Forgive me if I was looking forward to it.
Brady Becker has changed his profile photo.
Brady Becker liked this.
I can’t imagine looking forward to blatant racism and misogyny, but you do you.