I stand back while Lana, Fairuza, and Topanga walk to the kitchen. Dove remains next to her sister, staring at the ground.
“Can Dove go outside and sit in the sun?” Pixie asks, still teasing the inside of my hand.
When her dark eyes hold my gaze, I feel a warmth wash over me. Not so much that I’m calm. Yet, I can now remember why I agreed to all this trouble in the first place.
Pixie is the most beautiful, gentle woman I’ve ever met. She looks at me as if I’m the most handsome, gentle man she’s ever met. I want to be the person I see in her eyes. Her mother is probably right that Pixie can’t fix what’s broken inside me. Our sudden, makeshift family is bound to fail.
But swimming in her inviting brown eyes gives me a taste of something I’ve wanted for the longest time. No amount of stress can make me walk away.
PIXIE
I learn the blonde women are wives to Bronco and Lowell. Though I get confused about which lady goes with which man. Bronco is bossier, and I assume the bossier woman is his wife. However, I think it’s the opposite.
Either way, they help Mama cut apples and grapes for Future. I take a bowl of them and water outside to where Dove rests on a long, plastic chair. Anders doesn’t join me. He stands outside, near the door, alone even with so many people around.
“Does the sun soothe your sadness?” I ask Dove, who looks silly in the baggy shirt and shorts. Her hair is a mess, but she lacks the energy to braid it.
My sister sighs and lifts her face toward the sun. “Why does he have such a big house?”
“I think all the biker people have big houses. It’s what makes them feel good.”
Smiling, Dove takes my hand. “You came back for us.”
“Of course.”
“They said you wouldn’t,” Dove whispers, losing her smile.
“The Volkshalberd lie.”
“Perry went with them.”
“He isn’t our concern right now.”
Nodding, Dove closes her eyes and rubs her cheek. She’s remembering when the men in black with their demon guns put a hole in Papa’s chest. His blood got on her face. I remember how she begged me to leave it there so she could keep him with her.
I fight that painful memory, focusing instead on how Dove rests in the sun just as she did back at the Dandelion Collective.
“Are you hungry?”
Dove barely opens her eyes as I feed her cut grapes. “They have so much here.”
“Anders is very kind.”
My sister opens her eyes wider and frowns at him standing alone nearby. “He looks miserable.”
“When you’re feeling better, I’ll help him find his smile.”
“Go now before he gets angry and sends us away. Future will die without food.”
Once I make sure Dove's trembling fingers grip the bowl, I leave her side. Anders slumps to the ground, holding his head again. He looks as weak as Dove.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, squatting next to him. “Are you in pain?”
“No. Just leave me alone.”
I study his face. His blue eyes rage when they meet mine.
“Come with me,” I say, taking his big hand and tugging him.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“I said no.”
“I said yes.”
Anders suffers from a stormy heart, but mine is hard and unyielding. He will submit long before I do. First, he tries to intimidate me with his angry face and rough breathing. I know he is big enough to break me. But I also know I can’t back down.
“Come now,” I say, tugging at his hand again.
Relenting, Anders stomps behind me as I pull him toward the grass. “We will sit like we did on the road. You will talk to me without so many gray clouds in your thoughts.”
“I don’t have time for this shit.”
“How can you be busy when you were just sitting on the floor?”
Anders leans down and unleashes a terrifying glare at me. I want to run away, but Mama is always brave against those who hurt her. I refuse to believe Anders owns a heart ugly enough to use his hands to break me.
“Sit your bottom down, Anders,” I say, stroking his fist. “I want to feel the sun on my skin and talk about your favorite movie.”
Anders nearly throws himself on the ground. He’s agitated like the time Olivia at the Collective got ants in her clothes and rolled around trying to get them to stop biting.
I don’t sit like I normally do with Anders. Instead, I cross my legs and have