him in my arms without thinking. He showed me the colored pencil he was holding and then rested his head on my shoulder. The feel of him comfortable against me did more than any joint could. I wasn’t a monster, the devil’s son, or some other lie. I was a flesh-and-blood man with a family, and the Yabos love deep.
I’m learning to love deeply, too. Which is why this little boy means everything to me by the time the new year rolls around. When he goes sprawling one day on the hardwood and busts his lip, I decide to install carpet in most of the downstairs.
“It’s just a little blood,” Pixie says after the boy calms down and returns to playing.
“I was a clumsy kid. What if our baby is too?” I ask and glance at Future. “You mentioned how much you like the carpet upstairs and in the basement. I see you weirdos rolling around in the playroom.”
Pixie throws her head back and laughs. Nearby, Fairuza grins while cooking a big pot of chickpea stew. Dove looks up from her book to giggle at how silly they are to roll around. No one does that shit except the Yabos.
This odd family welcomed a scarred, tattooed titan like me into their hearts. Their love didn’t magically change me into a healthy man. My head is still stuffed with ugly lies telling me to give up and push people away. Three decades of bullshit can’t be fixed overnight. But my heart is stronger now. I no longer want to live in the shadow of other people’s lives. My need for heroin doesn’t hit so often or hard anymore.
An entire new path is open to me now. All because I was seduced by the sight of a flower child dancing on the side of the road.
PART 8: WELL, THAT HAPPENED
For years, Rooster’s Tavern was my second home. With nowhere else to be, I was here every night. Of course, my house is no longer an empty reminder of a warmer home. That’s why I can’t hang out at Rooster’s for more than a few hours before I miss my family and need to bail.
Still, I visit the clubhouse several times a week. Basically, if Bronco is here, I join him. If he stays home to be with his family, I take the night off to be with mine.
Tonight, I think back to an evening I remained at the house, and Pixie had me burn the names of the people who did me wrong. I wrote every asshole’s name on a piece of paper, along with things I hated about them. Then, I threw the paper into the firepit while Pixie and Fairuza sprinkled dandelion-root powder into the flames to cleanse my past.
“Make sure to create one for the lady on your back,” Pixie said, mentioning the tattoo I often forget exists.
“Her name was Melanie.”
“Is she dead?”
“Let’s hope so,” I muttered, thinking of how sweet Melanie was when she lured me into Lonnie’s trap.
“Were you in love with her?”
Frowning, I couldn’t believe Pixie asked me that question. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever been in love with.”
Pixie grinned as if she knew the answer. Sharing her smile, I added Melanie’s name to a piece of paper and burned it.
The process was supposed to help me face those who wronged me and release my anger at them. I doubted it did much more than remind me of how many people I wanted to decapitate. Still, the Collective’s ritual helped Fairuza release her anger toward many people at the Village, along with the men who attacked the Dandelion commune and killed Zest. Pixie wrote down the names of those people, too, plus DeAnna, Wyatt, and Taryn.
“I can still hate them for new things, though,” she said afterward. “And we both know there’ll be new things.”
I’m thinking of those future battles when I notice Wyatt talking up a bunny nearby. He hasn’t started shit in a while, but I know he wants to.
Normally, the honeys don’t linger at Rooster’s in the evenings. They’ll drop by for dinner or a drink. Then after eight, the bunnies appear to flirt and fuck.
That’s why Topanga’s decision to stick around feels odd. She came by last night, too, and remained for hours. Lowell claimed he didn’t know why she wanted to hang out, and he refused to make a stink by asking.
“I haven’t stayed married this long by asking questions with answers I might not want to hear,” he insisted.